Forbidden Attractions
by ImNotCallingYouALiar
Summary: "Don't let go," his warm breath tickled my ear and for some reason I felt completely and utterly safe and that scared the hell of me. I was falling for an arrogant but handsome Potter. I was Scorpius's little sister I could not fall for a Potter.
1. What?

_I know that it was never mentioned that Scorpius had a sister, but I believe that fanfics are all about What if's and What then? I was day dreaming as usual when I came up with the idea for this story. Please let me know what you think and if you think I should continue it. _

_I'm revamping some of the chapter- or most of them- in my study breaks so let me know what you think? _

**Prologue**

My heart squeezed tightly in my chest and my stomach seemed to twist itself into several knots as a shout sounded from nearby making me wince. Glancing up I saw my brother leaning casually against the train laughing with his friends, his blonde hair fell naturally over his stormy grey eyes and his usual mocking smirk was painted upon his face. I didn't know anyone. The reality of the situation seemed to slap me in the face as I continued to gaze quietly around, everything was so unruly, so hectic. Seemingly a world away from the rules of my home. It was nothing like I had ever expected. How was I ever going to fit in?

My mother still held onto me, her bony arms squeezing me so tight that I feared she would squeeze all the air from my lungs, that would be embarrassing as I was already having a hard enough time trying to control my nervous wheezing. Detangling myself from my mother I took a cautious step back, the small distance causing my heart to ache painfully. I hadn't expected it to be so hard to let go. So hard to leave her.

"It's your turn now. My little girl is turning into a woman," my Mother's eyes glazed over but I knew she would not cry, nor would I. I would not show any weaknesses. I was a Malfoy. Malfoy's were strong. We had a reputation to live up to.

I cried out in surprise as my brother slung a leisurely arm around my shoulder, his grip tighter than was needed. Shivering I toyed nervously with a strand of hair as I chewed on my bottom lip. Nearby a girl laughed as she threw herself into the arms of an unsuspecting boy. I wanted if I would ever feel comfortable enough to do that with someone. Probably not.

"I guess the old man isn't coming then?" Scorpius's voice was indifferent, casual but I could sense rather than feel his hurt. Had he really expected him to come? I hadn't. My Father was almost like a ghost. Some days I would only see his shadow as he disappeared up the overly grand staircase but more often than not I would only hear his whispered cursing as he stumbled in from the pub.

"He's working, dear. You know he has that big case." My Mum's eyes were still swimming with unshed tears, the tears that she would hold back until she was alone in the confinement of the Malfoy Manor, away from prying eyes. She was going to be so lonely, I hated leaving her.

Scorpius tightened his grip around my shoulders, and I forced myself not to wince. Around us everyone was saying their final goodbyes. Tearful hugs. Lingering kisses. I swallowed loudly suddenly overwhelmed by my surroundings. The day I had been looking forward to all my life was finally upon me yet all I felt was a drowning sadness. As childish as it sounds I really didn't want to leave my Mother. She was the only constant in my whole life and I was suddenly losing her too. Everything was changing too quickly. As if everything I had ever known was crumbling furiously around me until I would have nothing left to cling on to.

Scorpius was suddenly tugging on my arm, an insistent, stinging grip that was leading me towards the train and away from everything I had ever known. A whistle screeched nearby as I stumbled forwards. Fighting the urge to cover my ears I desperately drunk in the sight of my mother's tiny smile and the single lone tear trailing down her cheek which she was furiously wiping away.

"Promise you'll write," my Mother called standing alone on the platform, her manicured hand lying loosely by her hand as if unsure whether to wave or make some loving gesture. My throat tightened not allowing me to tell her how much I loved her, how much I was going to miss her. Scorpius ignored her request instead continuing to pull me towards the crowded train. I felt bystander's curious eyes rest on my almost white blonde hair before they swivelled to the lonely figure of my mother hugging her own stomach for comfort. I hated my Father in that moment. The hatred was so fierce, so consuming that it took my breath away. How could he leave her alone on a day like today? How could he send me away without even a simple hug?

"Look after her Scorpius. I mean it," she called, "and I don't want another letter home from the Headmistress."

Scorpius only rolled his cold eyes his face his usual mask of composure. Glancing once more outside as the rain began to fall lazily to the ground- almost as if the sky was crying for me- I wondered what was about to become of my life.

"Miss you," I choked my hand reaching desperately towards my mother for some kind of contact, a simple brushing of the hand would have been enough but Scorpius yanked me into the train before I had the chance. He was rough as he pulled me by the hand and into the only empty carriage, his fingernails creating half moons on my bare skin. He frowned as I curled up quietly near the window furiously gritting my teeth to stop sobs from consuming me. I felt strangely empty.

"Are you alright?" he asked running a hand awkwardly through his hair as he shuffled from foot to foot. Scorpius didn't like tears or any emotion for that matter, it made him uncomfortable which was obvious as his eyes strayed to the door. It hit me suddenly that he was the only person I knew on the whole train, the only relative I had.

I was scared. Fear clawed at my being, wondering how I would ever survive the darkened halls of Hogwarts without any kind of guidance. I blinked back another tear as I watched the familiar platform fade into the distance.

"Nattalie?" His voice was persistent. Harsh. He didn't like weakness of any kind.

"I'm fine. Excited." The lie rolled easily of my tongue. Lying was a way of life for the Malfoy family, something that seemed as natural to me as breathing.

He came closer, I could smell the slight stench of tobacco clinging to his robes and the slight hint of mint toothpaste attempting to camouflage it. For a wonderful moment I though he was going to hug me and tell me it was natural to be nervous, instead he stiffened and stood up straight before he got too close. I clamped my lips together to stop myself from voicing my disappointment.

"I'm going to find the food trolley. I'm starving. Want anything?"

He shut the carriage door with a bang before I had time to answer. Sighing I pressed my face against the window hiding my one, solitary tear. The chill of the glass burned my face, a sensation that was easy to cling to, something real that I could control. I knew I probably wouldn't see Scorpius again until I was sitting on the sorting stool awaiting my fate, the thought caused disappointment to drown out all of my previous emotions. Closing my eyes I wished for just one moment that I could be invisible, to not be a Malfoy.

A loud bang startled me awake. Night was competing with the sunshine outside. We must of nearly been there. Sickness rose in my throat. A tiny girl stood just inside the doorway, her bright green eyes reminded me of a birds- intelligent but curious. Wisps of shockingly red hair fell around her shoulders in messy waves almost as if she had just rolled out of bed. Her lips pressed themselves into a line as her eyes landed on me.

"Oh. Sorry," she gushed her smiling face fixed upon me, "I didn't mean to wake you. We're playing hide and seek you see and Hugo still hasn't found me." She flopped down on the seat across from mine hardly able to keep still for a moment. She twisted her hands together almost as if nervous and her leg bounced up and down as if emphasising my thoughts.

"Chocolate frog?" She extended the ribbuting packet towards me. Uncertain I pulled one out of the bag my hand shaking slightly. Quickly I crammed the restless frog inside my mouth before it had the chance to escape. The girl's infectious laugh echoed throughout the compartment causing me to jump with fright.

"Isn't it all so exciting? I cant wait to stay up all night and gossip with all my dorm-mates. Every night is going to be like one massive sleepover." she grinned as she rubbed her hands together almost as if already certain as to what her future at Hogwarts was going to be like. If only I could have had half the confidence she seemed to radiate.

"I guess," I mumbled lowly. I wasn't used to strangers striking up random conversations with me. My childhood had been an isolated one, and I did not have much experience with small talk. The train jolted to the right as it went over an uneven part of the track. I noticed the girl already had her robes on.

"I'm Lily by the way. Lily Potter." My hand felt slippery in her grasp as she shook it eagerly. Potter? I hoped my brother wouldn't reappear. I sunk down even further in my seat. Of course I knew the extensive history between out families and my family's association with the Dark Lord. But my father had acknowledged his mistakes long ago which was most likely one of the reasons why he worked so hard. Although I could still sense the burning jealousy he felt when the Potter's were mentioned. It was a name not even whispered within our household, the punishment would have been too severe.

"So, what's your name?" she prodded, her wide eye glittering with curiosity. I shuffled restlessly in my seat as I ducked my head to shield my face from her view.

"Nattalie," I whispered reluctant to tell her my last name, "Nattalie Malfoy."

Lily's mouth dropped open with an audible pop and her eyes widened even more. My palms began to sweat as I waited for her reaction.

"That would explain why your hairs so blonde," she smiled slightly as if fighting a battle with her own conscious and losing, "I have the curse of the red hair." I was shocked by her decision to ignore our last names. It was refreshing for a change for someone not to frown upon me and look at me with a critical eye.

"At least you will never get lost in a crowd," I smiled slightly my palms still sweating from trying to uphold the simple conversation. Lily tilted her head to the side as if she was still trying to figure me out. Strangely, I felt comfortable in her presence.

"That is true," she grinned as we heard raised voices from outside of the compartment. I winced.

"So I guess your going to be in Gryffindor?" I stated rather than asked. It would probably be the one and only time I ever talked to Lily Potter. I knew her family had been part of the Gryffindor house for generations. It was what had sparked the initial rivalry between the Potters and the Malfoys in the first instance. Stupid house pride.

"Of course," she grinned seemingly restless again, "It is in my blood. So I guess you'll be a Slytherin?"

"Yes," I sighed gazing once again through the window. I was already dreading the pinching cold of the common room which Scorpius had often told me was located in the dungeons. Shaking the thought from my head I managed a half smile in Lily's direction.

"Petrificus Totalus," a voice yelled from the corridor startling me from my train of thought. Lily raised her red eyebrows as I winced at the familiar voice. A flash of blonde hair caught my eye causing panic to engulf me. He was being stupid already and he wasn't even at school yet. My eyes were immediately drawn to Lily as I heard Scorpius's harsh laughter from nearby.

"You have to go," I snapped looking desperately at Lily, " my brother is coming!"

On an instant she was on her feet, for the first time since I had met her she wasn't smiling, instead her green eyes were narrowed as if anticipating an attack.

"I guess I'll see you around then," she brushed non existent fluff from her robes as she ducked out of the compartment. The sense of dread which I had managed to lose in her presence seemed to instantly return.

"Who was that?" Scorpius spat slouching down into the seat beside me as I frantically pulled my robes over my normal attire. The soft glow of Hogwart's castle in the distance made me feel nauseous.

"No one important," I spoke quietly avoiding his questioning eyes.

"If you say so," he shrugged, "your home Nattalie."

It wasn't my home.

My heart rate quickened as the train rolled to a stop. My tongue darted out to lick my drying lips as I smoothed down my robes. It was time to face the music, whether I was ready or not.

Glancing over at the Slytherin table my eyes met Scorpius's as he watched my every move as if waiting for me to slip up. I could see the space further down the table from him. Already one first year sat at it, I would join him momentarily. A cheer erupted from the Gryffindor table as yet another first year joined their table, their joyous personalities were of stark contrast to the tight lipped Slytherins . I tugged nervously at my robes, my hands still sweating.

"Malfoy, Nattalie," Headmistress McGonagall spoke calmly creating a hush throughout the hall. I focused on each individual step not wanting to falter in front of so many witnesses. The headmistress smiled encouragingly at my paling face. An expectant tremor travelled throughout all the older students as my shaky legs continued to lead me towards the sorting hat. I could practically feel Scorpius's stare burn my back. I sat down on the lone stool my stomach still in knots. I jumped as the ancient hat was place upon my head.

"Ahhhh yet another Malfoy," the hat spoke conversationally almost as if we were old friends. I bit my bottom lip, everyone's eyes were on me, waiting impatiently for me to join the Slytherins. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Lily give me an encouraging thumbs up. I bit back an unexpected sob as I waited for the sorting hat to speak up again. A bad feeling wormed itself into my chest, as if everything I had ever known was about to evaporate.

"A mind so unlike your relatives. Innocent and intelligent," the hat purred. My heart squeezed in my chest. None of the other students had taken as long as me. Stupid, stupid hat.

"I detect courage and yet hardly any cunningness."

"Oh no. Anywhere but Gryffindor," I whispered quickly my eyes darting quickly over the sea of red hair and grins as they all continued to watch me. I would never be welcome there, that much I was sure of.

"I wasn't thinking of Gryffindor," the hat hissed, "you have willingness to learn and seem wise beyond your time. Are you sure you're a Malfoy?"

An uneasy feeling rose in my chest. I wanted to run away and hide where no one could ever find me.

"Ravenclaw!" the hat exclaimed.

My mouth was dry and I stayed sitting even when the hat was taken from my head. Headmistress McGonagall nudged me slightly. The sound of voices became suddenly loud as I stumbled on legs of jelly down the steps and took my seat at the Ravenclaw table. Around me the other Ravenclaws were looking at me with open mouths, not able to think of anything to say, their astonishment and distate was obvious. I wished the ground would open up and swallow me.

Sensing commotion I turned to see Scorpius standing up his face burning red with anger struggling to break free of someone's grip. One of his friends pulled him back into his seat with force as I ducked my head, ashamed. I sniffed back yet another sob as I held my head in my hands. Ravenclaw was where I was going to be for seven years, the hat put me there for a reason. My Dad was going to despise me. Sinking lower in my seat I wondered what I had ever done to piss the sorting hat off.

I didn't pay attention as the next few first years got sorted. No one else joined me at the Ravenclaw table. The only other first year at the table was a boy, his eyes examined the table furiously rather than make an attempt to talk to me. In all honesty I couldn't really blame him.

"Potter, Lily."

A hush settled across the room once again as Lily walked almost lazily up to the stool. I could almost feel the excitement radiating from her large family at the Gryffindor table. Lily smiled as she sat down knowing already where she belonged. I envied her.

Her mouth moved quickly as if she was conversing with the hat. Someone at the Gryffindor table barked out a laugh. Lily suddenly seemed stressed as her mouth continued to move rapidly. Still conversing with the hat. Then she was making hand gestures and attempting to pull the hat from her head, her eyes sparkling under the candlelight. The Gryffindors all shared confused looks. Lily looked ready to burst into tears as McGonagall rushed towards her.

"Ravenclaw," the hat cried before the headmistress could reach her.

Everything was still.

No one moved. No one spoke. It was deadly silent.

"You have to be joking! She's a Potter for crying out loud," someone shouted shattering the silence. I turned to see the tiny space between the Weasly's and the Potters that had obviously been saved for Lily. She resembled a ghost as she walked to the Ravenclaw table in a daze, her face painted white. I think she was in shock. We both were.

A Potter and a Malfoy in Ravenclaw.

Was the sorting hat on drugs?

I could see Lily fighting back tears as she slipped in beside me. It was going to be a long seven years. Without thinking I found her hand under the table, she managed to shoot me a watery smile as she squeezed it. We were in for one hell of a seven years.

_So what do you think? Please review and let me know if you think I should continue. Thanks._

_What do you think of Nattalie? _


	2. Tears and Tom

_Thank you all so much for your reviews, here's the next chapter.._

All five of us sat huddled together in the library. Lily blew on her cold hands and glared at the blank parchment in front of her. The boys were conversing in low tones about the upcoming Quidditch match, their eyes alight with excitement. Fay had her head resting on her open herbology book her eyes closed. I glanced down at my finished potions essay still thinking it lacked what Professor Gerthcins was looking for. Sighing I slammed my potions book shut causing Fay to jump out of her seat, her glasses askew on her tanned face. Lily barked out a laugh, the black circles under her eyes visible.

"This sucks. If I have to try and memorize any more charms I think I might die a very painful death," she groaned rubbing her temples. A few Slytherin girls rolled their eyes at her dramatics as they walked by. Ralph also rolled his eyes at his girlfriend, Lily stuck her tongue out at him in return. I hid a smile behind my white blonde curls as Fay made a gagging sound behind her books.

"I am completely serious," Lily laughed sourly, "NEWT's are going to be the death of me."

"You said that about your OWL's and you passed them easily," Tom grinned at me from across the table, I suddenly found the table a lot more interesting. I heard Fay giggle beside me. My stomach let out a growl as I sunk lower down in my seat. Suddenly four pairs of eyes were on me.

"You didn't go to dinner again," Lily stated in a monotone, I could feel her burning gaze on the top of my bowed head.

"You need to eat," Tom agreed. A blush crept up my neck, his knee jostled mine under the table. I wrapped my arms tightly around my stomach. His constant observations of me were making me nervous. I did not like being watched.

"I was…" I began defending myself.

"Studying," everyone laughed, "We know. When do you ever not study?"

I stiffened, suddenly defensive.

"Last weekend in Hogsmeade," I yawned gazing around the now empty library.

"Liar," Lily murmured leaning across the table, "I saw that Defence Against the Dark Arts book on your knees under the table in the three broomsticks." She smiled with victory. Sometimes my best friend could be too smart for her own good. Shrugging I traced the patterns on the wooden table with my fingers. Tom's knee grazed mine again. I stiffened.

Fay let out a shriek beside me as she flung all her books into her bag, my head snapped up.

"What is it?" Lily snapped suddenly alert. It had been nice this year to let our guards down a lot more, be friends openly. Seventh year had become my favourite year. No Scorpius or James to worry about when Lily and I rounded a corner laughing. None of my stupid brother's friends to shout hexes at us in the corridor. Sometimes though even with them both gone it was hard to let out guards down.

"Patrol. We're half an hour late." Fay stared pointedly at Ralph who was sulking, giving in to Fay's stare he gave Lily a chaste kiss on the lips before fleeing from the library.

"Lily and I will take over in an hour," I called after them.

Lily wore her love sick smile as she sighed happily and with glazed eyes tried unsuccessfully to memorise some more charms. Tom mimed being sick beside her. I laughed, the sound was effortless. His eyes lit up at the sound, he snapped close the book he had been pretending to read.

"I cant believe we're studying in the week leading up to Christmas break. There's usually loads of parties on around this time of year but nothing this year," he sighed dramatically. Rolling my eyes I avoided looking at his smiling face.

"There is lots of parties," I murmured aware of the librarian nearby, "it's just that we have too much homework to go."

"I cant wait to Christmas break. Two weeks off doing nothing and Grandma's cooking. And I have so much to tell Rose and Albus. I cant wait to see everyone," Lily smiled widely running her hands through her red locks.

"Me either. My Mum's turkey dinners and Quidditch in the snow. Its going to be ace." Tom was practically jumping up an down with excitement.

I frowned as disappointment wormed itself throughout my body.

"What about you Nat?" Tom rested his hand on top of mine. Squirming I looked desperately at Lily for help, she only shrugged. I glanced at the rows upon rows of books, the majority of my Christmas would be spent amongst them.

"I'm staying at school. Lots of studying to do." My stomach sunk at the thought of having my Christmas dinner in the library alone for the seventh year running. Snatching my hand away from Tom I stood up and gathered my books in my arms.

"Where are you going?" Tom frowned again, lines appearing on his forehead in concern. Lily looked up at me with a pitying look in her eyes. I swallowed.

"I'm going to the Owlery," I lied needing to get away from the suffocating conversation. Tom stood up. I blinked back tears.

"I'll walk you."

"No really I'm fine. I have to patrol afterwards anyway," I shrugged taking a step away eager to create distance between us. He put a steady hand on my shoulder. I shivered.

"At least let me take your books back to the common room," he whispered his voice husky. Grudgingly I handed them over, his knees bent under the weight. I couldn't help the smirk that graced my lips.

"Bye," I called out almost running from the library.

I held in my tears until I reached the bathroom on the second floor, as always there was no one about. Sinking to the floor I banged my head once against the tiled wall in frustration. Myrtle swooped down beside me, unusually not saying a word.

"I thought you would have been over this by now," she frowned. I fought the urge to put my hand through her stomach as I banged my head against the wall again. She didn't understand the loneliness that consumed me, the jealousy that had me within its grasp.

"The same time every year. It's only Christmas. You can come spend it with me." She let out an abrupt giggle.

I wrinkled my nose at the thought of spending a day with Myrtle in a bathroom. It may even be worse than Christmas at home, not that I knew what that was like anymore.

Seven weeks of Summer was enough for me, I just couldn't handle two weeks at Christmas as well. The spiteful glances, the harsh words and the malicious laughter, it made my stomach churn just thinking about home. My mum had stood up for me at first but I began to sense her distate as I talked of my friends and the Ravenclaw Quidditch team. They had never been to see me play once.

Drawing in a shaky breath I stood and surveyed the damage in the mirror. Not a lot. Thank Merlin for waterproof mascara. Myrtle stood behind me pulling funny faces, failing to make me laugh.

My mini meltdown was over. I could relieve Fay early from patrol, she would be getting fed up of Ralph's undying love for Lily by now. I smiled at the thought. I ran a trembling hand through my untamed curls, I really needed to invest in some moose.

"I'll come and visit you soon Myrtle. I promise," I spoke softly knowing she could here me from the cubicle she had floated off to in a mood.

"You better," she yelled, "us Ravenclaws have to stick together."

Wiping my eyes once again I slipped quietly from the bathroom ignoring Myrtle's cries from behind me. Lifting up my head I walked quickly down the corridor making sure no teachers were about.

A figure stepped out from the shadows.

Letting out a shriek I stumbled back a hand on my heart. I collided with the wall. The figure let out a giggle as she stepped into the light.

Lily.

Her red hair was twisted up into a loose bun and she clutched a lone charms book to her chest. Her sharp green eyes filled with tears as she continued to laugh. I whacked her childishly on the arm. She grinned.

"You scared the life out of me," I hissed still clutching my beating heart.

"Sorry," she giggled, "it was too good an opportunity to miss."

"You and your Weasley genes," I croaked as my breathing began to go back to normal. Lily took a cautious step towards me her laughter ceasing. Frowning she put a single thumb on my cheek and wiped away a wet patch. I pressed my lips together sternly.

"You were crying again," she murmured softly her eyes narrowing. Shrugging I walked away.

"Lets go relieve Ralph and Fay." I sped up. Lily caught my arm pulling me back.

"You can talk to me," she muttered hesitantly," about anything."

Stress lines appeared on her forehead as she fell into step beside me, she slung an arm around my shaking shoulders.

"I just don't like the thought of sitting in the freezing library alone on Christmas," I muttered. Glancing at my watch I picked up the pace. Portraits smiled at us as we passed them. Beside me Lily seemed to be deep in thought.

"Why didn't you say so?" she sounded exasperated, "come and spend Christmas with my family."

I couldn't help the hysterical laugh that escaped my lips.

"You have to be joking?" I clutched my sides, still laughing. Lily frowned.

"No," she snapped licking her lips, "you don't have to say your staying with the Potter's…just say your going to a friends."

I stopped laughing.

"Thanks Lily," I whispered choked up, "its not my family that I'm worried about they wouldn't care if I disappeared off the face off the earth tomorrow," I put up my hand to silence Lily's protests, "but your family. The Malfoys and Potters just don't get along its common knowledge. And James would probably hex me in my sleep."

I glared at two third years who ran down the corridor, they were never going to make it to their common rooms before curfew. I couldn't be bothered yelling at them, I decided to let a teacher catch them.

Lily's hands had become fists, her knuckles were white. She seemed to be upset.

"You may be a Malfoy but first most you are Nattalie, my friend," she croaked, "and as for Jame's he wouldn't dare hex you. It is well known knowledge that it is rude to hex a guest." Lily smiled slightly as if remembering something funny.

"I really appreciate it Lily but…" I began.

"I'll owl them first thing tomorrow. Christmas is going to be so much more fun with you around as long as we don't have to study _all_ the time."

She grinned as she spotted Ralph around the corner. Before I could protest she had ran towards him and was in his arms.

I sighed.

_So what do you think?_


	3. Arrivals

I tugged at the bottom of my denim skirt, the rain battered the scratched windows beside me. Lily's giggles filled the carriage as Ralph tickled her thigh.

"Give it a rest," Tom groaned. I shot him a look of thanks.

"Don't be so bitter. We're not going to see each other for ages," Lily sighed tangling her hand in Ralph's long hair. Fay wrinkled her nose as she looked up from one of her favourite muggle novels, I for one had no idea how she found them so interesting.

"Actually," she murmured softly, "your going to see each other in like three days."

"Well that's still too long," Lily giggled.

I stiffened in my seat.

"What's happening in three days?" I tried to make my voice sound passive, but the holiday was going to be a drag if Ralph and Lily were having a tongue fest every few hours. Fay snapped her book closed.

"Oh you've never been. She's never been. It's going to be so much fun," Fay squealed bouncing up and down, her glasses were askew again. Tom suddenly grinned. I sunk further down in my seat, confused. I locked eyes with Tom.

"The Weasly's annual Christmas party," Tom smiled, "it is definitely the party of the year but you have been at Hogwarts every Christmas so you wouldn't of been invited. It's going to be so much fun having you there, it was never the same with just the four of us."

"I doubt she would have been invited anyway," Ralph grunted. His words seemed to slash at my insides. Fay's eyes widened and Lily punched him on the arm before sorting her top and coming to sit beside me.

"So you guys have been going every year?" I asked ignoring Ralph as he sulked in the corner, his lips tilted downwards into a frown. Lily put a reassuring hand on my arm, I smiled at her.

"Since we started Hogwarts," Fay grinned.

"There's always lots of mistletoe. I wont be letting you out of my sight all night," Tom whispered in my ear. A red blush crept up my neck.

I glanced longingly out of the window. We still had ages to go.

"We'll need to go dress shopping," Lily said clapping her hands excitedly. I let out a groan. Tom winked at me.

"I hate shopping," I moaned.

"We noticed," Lily smirked looking me up and down.

Frowning I glanced down at my faded red checked shirt and denim skirt paired with my favourite lace up combat boots.

"What's wrong with my clothes?"

"Nat, there the _only _muggle clothes you ever wear. To Hogsmeade. Train rides home during the summer. I swear that shirt must be like three years old," Lily smirked. Tom rolled his eyes at me from across the carriage, I bit back a grin.

"And?" I really didn't understand her problem. Fay sighed and exchanged a knowing glance with Lily.

"You cant wear the same clothes for almost three weeks," Fay sighed, "your trunk was as light as a feather."

"Your not going to argue. We are going shopping."

I didn't have the energy to argue with Lily, I needed to have her on my side so I didn't find myself getting cursed over the holidays. Grabbing my coat I wrapped it around myself to stop myself from shivering.

Someone knocked sharply on the carriage door, with a grunt Ralph undid the lock. An out of breath Issac Longbottom stood with his hands on his hips.

"What's the problem Longbottom?" Tom groaned, he had never liked Issac, for reasons I could never understand.

"Nat, some fifth years are duelling down the corridor," he panted his face bursting red. His rusty brown hair fell casually over his soft blue eyes. The unfamiliar muggle clothes he wore stretched impressively over his toned stomach and I couldn't help but appreciate the God in front of me for just a second.

"Brilliant," I muttered remembering the problem at hand, "just what I need."

"Want me to come with?" Lily smiled producing her wand from her boot. I grinned.

"Nah," I murmured, "you make out with Ralph until your hearts content."

I took several steps to match Issac's long strides. As always despite the problem at hand he was smiling widely, his face open and handsome.

"Looking forward to coming of age?" he smirked catching my arm as I stumbled forwards.

"I haven't really thought about it," I shrugged, "up until last week I was supposed to be spending my Christmas at Hogwarts anyway so it wouldn't of been much of an event."

I glanced down the corridors looking for the duel as a few first years bustled by us, I glared at them.

"Issac. Where are they?"

His smile grew wider and he ran a hand through his dishevelled hair as I frowned.

"There wasn't a duel," he said sheepishly. I whacked him playfully on the arm and rolled my eyes as he stuck his tongue out at me.

"I wanted to give you your muggle money." He handed me a small bag filled with strange looking coins, "I know how the Potter's like to go muggle shopping."

"Thanks," I smiled, "I don't know if I'll need it just in case."

"It's the least I can do, after all you have been tutoring me all year."

I barked out a laugh as I leant against the wall in the corridor. Issac's eyes skimmed over my lazy posture and short denim skirt.

"It's only called tutoring when your teaching someone who isn't as smart as yourself, all we were doing was studying."

"Yeah well," he murmured with a shrug, "and you always cover my patrols when I cant do them."

I could feel the train beginning to slow down. My heart clenched suddenly with fear. The Potters were going to despise me.

"Are you going to send an owl to the Auror's office?"

"I'm thinking about it," I murmured.

"You should," he smiled again, "I don't want to be training all alone next year if I pass my NEWT's."

He would pass them. Easily.

Issac in my opinion should have been sorted into Raveclaw alongside me, but I guess he had more courage than intellect, although he was my main competition in every class.

"I guess I'll see you at the Weasly's Christmas party. I'll be the one hiding behind the broom shed studying."

I grabbed him in a hug, his warm arms wrapped themselves around me as he squeezed me tightly, I rested my head on his shoulder. Weirdly I found that I might actually miss the annoying Issac. A sharp cough broke us apart.

Tom stood at the end of the corridor, his eyes unreadable.

"We're coming into the station," he glared openly at Issac. I thought we were past that. Issac grinned one last time as he scooped down to place a lingering kiss on my cheek before shoving his hands deep in his pockets and walking away. I sighed. Tom grabbed my hand tightly pulling me back to our carriage.

"Tom," I hissed, "Issac is gay remember. Gay. Stop being so over protective."

"Then why wont you go out with me. I have asked countless times." His voice had taken on a whining tone. I didn't understand why he didn't just give up.

"Oh my God," Fay yelled, "it's snowing!"

Thank god for a distraction.

Tom pulled me to the window. Lily was leaning against Ralph her eyes wide.

"A white Christmas," we grinned togther.

I looked away as Ralph gave Lily one last lingering kiss and nuzzled her neck lovingly. Tom squeezed my hand before pulling away. Fay grabbed me in an awkward, bony hug.

"You should give him a break," she hissed into my ear, "I'll see you in a couple of days. Dress shopping."

Tom picked me up and spun me around while Ralph gave me an awkward pat on the back. Lily and I watched them as they walked away together, pushing each other over.

"Boys will be boys," she sighed.

I suddenly found my shoes very interesting.

"You ready?" She tilted my head up so I was looking into her eyes.

"They're going to hate me," I murmured trying to make myself more presentable as I smoothed down my skirt.

"They are going to love you." She disagreed with me as she ruffled my hair like I was a little kid. I scowled at her.

I tried to make myself as small as possible as I shuffled off of the train. Parents were waiting eagerly on the platform as Hogwarts students launched themselves into their waiting arm.

"Aunt Hermy," Lily screamed running while pulling me along behind her. I tried not to slip on the ice. Hermione opened her arms and Lily eagerly ran into them. Hugo shuffled embarrassed beside them, I pulled my scarf up to hide my smirk.

"Welcome to the mad family," he laughed in my ear.

Hermione finally managed to disentangle herself from Lily's strong clutches.

"You must be Nattalie," her eyes flickered up and down my shivering body. She smiled encouragingly but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"It's an honour to meet you," I tried to make myself sound strong and confident. Lily rolled her eyes but Hermione's eyes lit up a little, she gave me a reassuring pat on the arm. Maybe the holidays weren't going to be so bad after all.

"Ginny's making dinner so I offered to come and get you."

"Mum's cooking?" Lily groaned pulling her hat down over her ears as we trudged along the platform.

"Unfortunately," Hermione grumbled. I held back a laugh, Lily had told me many stories about her Mum's disastrous attempts at cooking.

"I guess we'll be ordering a pizza when we get home tonight then," Hugo murmured. Hermione didn't agree with him but a small smile played about on her face.

"How we getting home?" Lily's voice was eager and full of energy, I knew she was desperate to see all her family.

"Apparition since I heard you passed your test, first time. It took Hugo twice" she frowned at her son.

"You alright with that Nattalie?"

"I'm not of age yet," I murmured kicking the platform with my boots. Beside me Hugo Snickered.

"Oh I forgot about that. We have to organise a party," Lily jumped up and down with excitement. Hermione and I groaned simultaneously.

"Don't worry," Hermione laughed, "you can perform side along apparition with me."

I didn't think I would ever get used to the feeling of apparition. Glad I hadn't had anything to eat on the train I snapped my eyes shut as I became dizzy, I could feel Hermione's fingernails digging into my skin.

"We're here," she laughed obviously amused by my queasy state. A large house stood in the middle of a field, I could see the leaning tower of the Burrow in the distance. Someone whizzed overhead on a broom. Lily grabbed my hand in excitement.

"What the bloody hell is she doing here?" A voice thundered. I felt my knees wobble as Lily and I turned around. James already had his wand in his hand, his handsome features scrunched up with distate. I wished the grass would swallow me up. Lily tightened her grip on my arm.

"Well?" he spat, "Answer me!"

_I'm not sure about this chapter. Thoughts?_

_Thanks to anyone who reviewed last chapter. Reviews always make me smile._


	4. James and Ron

"_**We're here," she laughed obviously amused by my queasy state. A large house stood in the middle of a field, I could see the leaning tower of the Burrow in the distance. Someone whizzed overhead on a broom. Lily grabbed my hand in excitement.**_

"_**What the bloody hell is she doing here?" A voice thundered. I felt my knees wobble as Lily and I turned around. James already had his wand in his hand, his handsome features scrunched up with distate. I wished the grass would swallow me up. Lily tightened her grip on my arm.**_

"_**Well?" he spat, "Answer me!" **_

**He was even taller than I remembered, easily towering over my tiny frame. His black hair had grown down to his shoulders and was curly, so much more unruly and wild than I was used to seeing. If it was possible he seemed more threatening than what he had at Hogwarts.**

**Swallowing I stumbled back a step while Lily stood her ground, her eyes narrowed.**

"**You already know why she's here," Lily sighed tiredly, "she's spending Christmas with us."**

"**Like hell she is," James spat raising his wand higher.**

**Lily stepped in front me.**

"**Lily move out of the way," James spoke through gritted teeth, "I don't want to hurt you."**

"**He's right Lily. I wouldn't forgive myself if he hurt you," I whispered. James's head snapped up and his eyes burned into mine. I trembled under his scrutiny.**

"**Move Lily," he took a threatening step towards us.**

**Not thinking about my actions I pushed Lily out of the way, she let out a groan as she fell onto the grass. I took a step towards James.**

"**How dare you touch my sister," he roared poking his wand into his chest. I tried to keep my face blank of all emotion, I didn't want him to know that he scared me. A lot.**

"**I didn't want her to get hurt," I retorted curling my hands into fists, my fingers itched for my wand.**

"**I would never hurt my sister. I'm not a Malfoy," he spoke in a monotone. I remembered at the last minute to keep my guard up. He was right, of course. Scorpius wouldn't think twice about hexing me or even worse cursing me. His life would probably be a lot easier without me around putting the Malfoy name to shame. Biting my lip I took another step towards James, I could feel the heat of his chest through his shirt yet I still felt cold. Nearby I could here Lily trying to intervene.**

"**Come on then," I murmured. James's grip seemed to loosen on his wand and he peered down at me with disbelief. **

**Hah! He hadn't expected that! One point to me!**

"**Come on then," I repeated, "hurt me!"**

**I was slowly losing patience. I just wanted it over and done with. James's stumbled back a step, I grabbed onto his shirt.**

"**Come on," I muttered, "Come on."**

"**Its no fun unless both of us participates," he snarled, "I cant wait to beat you when we duel." **

**Lily's nail dug into my arm as she pulled me away from her brother.**

"**Expelliarmus," a deep voice cried. James's wand flew from his hand. It took them long enough to intervene. Ducking my head I hid my flushed face behind my curtain of hair.**

"**James Sirius Potter how dare you treat Lily's guest in such a manner," the same voice spoke in a freakishly calm tone. I wrapped my arms tight around my stomach.**

"**Daddy," Lily squealed from beside me before running off. I focused on the blades of grass at my feet, all different sizes, I couldn't face what would await me when I glanced up. I could still fell James's glare on my bowed head. Why oh why did I just not stay at Hogwarts?**

"**Nattalie?"**

**Blinking furiously to hide my tears I raised my head at the sound of Lily's concerned voice. Forcing a smile onto my face I took a step forward to greet the man beside her. His short black hair was greying a bit at the sides and he seemed to be comfortable in the muggle clothes that he wore. His glasses, that were perched on the end of his nose were about ten years out of date. I would be lying if I said that my eyes didn't immediately drift to the red lightening bolt scar in the middle of his forehead. He didn't look like the celebrity that people always spoke about in the Daily Prophet but then I had never met a celebrity before. Tugging once again at the bottom of my skirt I took a shaky step forward and extended my hand.**

"**It's wonderful to meet you Sir," I gulped hoping my voice didn't betray my nerves.**

"**The pleasures all mine," he smiled crookedly, "and please call me Harry."**

**Not trusting my voice I just nodded, my eyes drifting back to the ground.**

"**I'm sorry about my son's behaviour. He has some," he seemed to struggle for the right word, "**_**issues**_**." **

**Looking up I was surprised to see Harry biting his lip to hold back laughter. Lily seemed to visibly relax as a slow smile spread across my face.**

"**Come on," she laughed dragging me towards the house, "you have to meet everyone."**

**Everyone? Butterflies invaded my stomach again. I looked for the nearest escape route. Lily cried out in greeting as she dragged me into the kitchen. Trying to make myself as small as possible I hugged closer to her side. It was chaos.**

**A small red headed woman was cursing as she stirred a foul smelling substance in a cooking pot, behind her Hermione was whispering enchantments trying unsuccessfully to clean up the mess that the woman was making. Another red head, this time a man, leant against the counter his piercing blue eyes registering my every movement. I recognised everyone who sat at the table. Rose, Albus and Hugo all smiled weakly in my direction. Glancing out of the window I noticed Harry and James arguing in the garden.**

"**Nattalie," Lily smiled, "that is Uncle Ron and the woman cooking badly is my mother Ginny Weasley."**

**Ginny huffed at her daughter while she peered again into the pot.**

"**So Malfoy," Ron smirked, "is it true that your brother is trying to create a new generation of Death Eaters to corrupt the ministry?"**

**Everything went silent, even Ginny stopped swearing.**

"**Ron," Hermione barked in outrage,**

**It was going to be one long Christmas break. Lily squeezed my hand reassuringly.**

**Authors note**

**Sorry it's a bit short. I am having a little case of writer's block.**

**Please let me know what you think? I really appreciate your reviews.**

**I will try and update soon x**


	5. Dinner time

I flushed bright red as Lily towed me to an empty seat at the table.

"My brother is not a death eater," I spoke through gritted teeth. He was a jackass. A liar. An awful brother. A pig. A self centred little boy. He was many things but my brother was most definitely not a death eater, we had learnt from our parents mistakes.

"Sure he isn't," James drawled as Harry and him came barging into the kitchen. Hermione and Ron just glared at each other as they both sat down silently. As if trying to make enough noise for everyone Ginny stumbled around the kitchen serving our dinner while she cursed half heartedly.

"This is awful, Mum."

I could always count on Lily to change the subject.

Biting back a smile I shovelled the green gloop around my plate wishing someone could just make it disappear. Harry seemed to be the only one actually enjoying the food, although he was eating it so fast I doubt he even had time to inhale it. Across the table from me Ron and James had their heads bent together and their lips were moving rapidly as they talked, my stomach jolted uneasily as James's eyes briefly met mine.

"I spent bloody ages cooking. Every mouthful better be eaten," Ginny waved her fork around wildly in the air. I sunk further down into my seat.

"Just scrape it under the table when she's not looking. Aunt Hermy will clean it up later," Lily hissed quietly into my ear as she pretended to scratch her leg. I shot her a grateful smile, I was beginning to feel slightly nauseous.

It felt slightly bizarre to be sitting at a proper table with a proper family even if half of the supposed family were shooting me evil glances every ten seconds, it was not something I was used to and there were never, ever any awkward silences like the ones I experienced daily at the Malfoy Manor.

"So Lil's, how many detentions you had this year?" Ron smirked although his eyes repeatedly darted between Lily and I as if her detentions were my fault.

"Prefects don't get detention," Lily laughed airily as she scraped her fork around her empty plate. The girl had skill!

"Jame's did," Ron pointed out while James scowled down at the table.

"Yeh, well the heads were arses that year. I mean who really cares if you steal a couple of poisonous plants and put them in the first year dormitories!"

Struggling to hold back a sarcastic retort I curled my hands into fists. Only Hugo laughed at his cousin's pathetic attempt at humour.

"Who's the heads this year?" Rose asked, looking up briefly from her book.

"Longbottom and N…" Lily let out a squeal as I kicked her under the table. Hard. Everyone shared amused glances while Lily glared at me from behind her hair.

"Longbottom and..?" James prompted his face scrunched up into a sneer. He infuriated me so much, he though he was beyond everything. Trembling I laid my fork down.

"I'm the head girl," I mumbled brokenly.

Ron and Harry barked out dry laughs while James just frowned at me as if pondering the meaning of life.

"A Malfoy becoming head girl?" he murmured.

"I always wanted to be head girl," Hermione spoke wistfully while Ron pretended to vomit all over the floor, Harry flicked a piece of food at him.

"Hogwarts is going down hill. I keep telling you dad that McGonagall is getting to old for the job," James smirked as he toyed uselessly with his wand.

"Don't you dare insult her James Potter! You may be training to be Auror but while your in my house you obey my rules. You are washing up tonight," Ginny blundered slamming her fist down onto the table. Rom and James shared another secret smile.

"without the aid of magic," Ginny spoke suddenly, "and you can help Ronald."

Their smiles drooped. I suddenly liked Ginny Weasley very much. Harry coughed while Hermione didn't even try to disguise her laughter.

"Nothing ever changes around here," Lily smiled softly, her eyes shining a little.

"So how's the team shaping up this year?" Harry asked eagerly, peering over his round glasses.

"Well I only had to fill a couple of spots, I'm hoping Woods will be made captain next year when I'm gone," Lily frowned almost thoughtfully, "but our last game lasted only thirty minutes because little miss studious was keen to catch the snitch and hit the books again."

I blushed a deep red as everyone's eyes swivelled towards me. Instantly I registered James surprise but almost as quickly his trademark scowl appeared back. I had yet to see him smile a genuine smile.

"I didn't see you play last year," Ron noted almost grudgingly. Hermione shot another glare his way. Uncomfortable I fidgeted under everyone's stares.

"I had to force her onto the team," Lily sighed dramatically, "it took me weeks of begging and blackmail."

"My sister has dirt on the Malfoy. _Interesting._" James was back to his old annoying self. Rose hit him over the head with a very large book. I winced as he spat out a curse.

"I didn't want to play this year…at first," I added noting Lily's desperate expression, "but I actually enjoy it. But if it interferes with my NEWT's I'll have to quit."

Lily scowled.

"A girl after my own heart," Hermione smiled directly at me, I felt suddenly lighter as if she had lifted a weight from my shoulders.

"You have to be fit to become an Auror though," Lily clamped her hand over her mouth as if realising her mistake. I kicked her under the table again.

"You want to be," James was doubled over in laughter. "an auror."

"James," his mother warned. Lily shot me an apologizing look.

"A Malfoy as an Auror," he continued, "that's rich. Even I you weren't a Malfoy you're a Ravenclaw and you're a girl! You'll die within weeks."

"James!" his father roared.

I felt suddenly very tiny. Lily and her big mouth!

I really, really despised James Potter.

**Sorry it's so short. I promise the next chapter will be longer and contain more drama. I just wanted everyone to get a feel for the characters and their varying personalities.**

**Please drop me a review and let me know what you think.**

**Until next time xx**


	6. Rematch

Blinking I tried to keep my eyes open as I scanned my Transfiguration book. Lily let out a sigh as she flicked through the latest issue of the Quibbler.

"There's a spell in here that can make my hair purple," Lily laughed as her eyes flickered to me for input.

"And why would you need that?" I smiled leaning back on my temporary bed.

"I'm thinking of trying something new, you know?"

"You look great the way you are Lils." Inwardly I groaned, Lily's makeovers even on herself were a force to be reckoned with, especially when she got fed up with herself and moved onto me. She shrugged as she flicked over to the next page in the magazine.

"What type of dress are you wanting for the party?"

In all honesty I hadn't really thought about it. I wasn't a dress kind of girl. The denim skirt I had worn on the train was the only thing I owned that was not jeans, not that I would ever let Lily know that. Showing off my legs was not something I did often.

"Ravenclaw colours?" I suggested in an attempt to get her off my back. Maybe she would spontaneously forget about dress shopping all together.

Lily let out an excited squeal as she tossed her magazine aside and came to sit beside me on the bed. Or maybe not.

"That is a beyond brilliant idea!" she exclaimed, like I normally didn't have many good ideas, "Long or short though?"

"I-I don't know."

"Why am I even asking?" Lily laughed airily, "Short. Definitely short. Tom is going to die when he see you." Inwardly, I groaned. Not that subject again.

"Why can't you all just drop the whole Tom thing?" I frowned. It was getting tiring and my head was thumping. Tom was..nice I guess. But that was it. I had seen Lil's relationships get in the way of friendships, in my opinion it just wasn't worth it.

"He is head over heels for you. Why wont you give him a chance?" Lily's green eyes were narrowed as she continued to look at me almost curiously. She read too much into things.

"Lily." someone cried from down the stairs, "Nattalie."

"What?" Lily screamed back, sometimes I think she forgot that she could use magic.

"Some left over desert if you want some? And Hugo wants to whip your butt at chess before he goes."

Not even waiting for me she apparated. Lily was a sucker for any kind of cake. Chocolate cake. Sponge cake. It was always easy to put her in a good mood if you were armed with a large slice of cake. Running a tired hand though my hair I threw a baggy jumper over my short pj's and walked slowly down the steep stairs. My head was swimming with unanswered questions. Why wouldn't I give Tom a chance? In my heart I knew he would get fed up quickly and I would quickly lose him. Somehow that revelation didn't hurt as much as it should have.

I thought of his kind smile and his wandering eyes. His instant nature to defend me and how easily he made me laugh. Maybe in time I could grow to love him as more than a friend. I mean where else was I going to find someone who liked a Malfoy as much as he did? Rounding the corner I noticed James's signature glare at the sight of me descending the stairs, that answered that question. No one. Nobody could ever truly love a Malfoy. We always ended up hurting people.

Maybe, just maybe I would stop trying to reject his advances and actually live a little. Maybe if Tom liked me for a little while, it would be better than being all alone.

"Cake?" Lily had chocolate around her mouth and on her dressing gown.

"No thanks," I laughed, whenever I was in the room with James my appetite just seemed to melt away. Silently I sunk into an old armchair, my eyes flickering between the many books lining the walls. It was my favourite sort of room.

"I think I'm going to head back home. I have an early lab at St Mungos in the morning," Rose smiled kindly at everyone as she searched her jacket pockets for her wand, "Hugo will I tell Mum you'll be home soon?"

"Depends how long it takes me to beat Lily," he grinned. It hadn't taken me long to realise how competitive the Potters and the Weasleys were, Mr Potter had laughed at my wide eyed stare the first time I had watched him and Lily play chess. It seemed to be their favourite pass time.

"And how many times I demand a rematch," Lily chimed in. Tuning out from the conversation my attention wandered to the large window in the centre of the room. Snow littered the grass and fresh snowflakes fell for the dark night sky. I had always loved Winter, but there had never been much time for playing around in the snow at the Malfoy Manor, it would have been frowned upon.

"Lils?" I murmured, my words spewing about before I could stop them. Still grinning she looked up from the chess board, she must have been winning.

"Yep?" she popped the "p", still obviously distracted by the game in front of her.

"Can I borrow your broom?"

"What?" Hugo spat, a piece of cake came flying from his mouth. Gross. Everyone turned to look at me except James. He muttered something under his breath.

"Its dark and snowing," Lily pointed out.

"There are stars for light and I'm sure your _star _seeker has played in worse weather conditions." James's voice was almost friendly. My head snapped round to look him in surprise.

"And," he sneered, "if she falls off it would be great for everyone."

What was I thinking? James didn't have a nice bone in his body. Desperate, I tried pouting. Lily laughed.

"Take any one from the broom shed," Lily paused chewing on her bottom lip, "well except James's."

Almost running I borrowed a pair of Lily's snow-boots from the cupboard and Lily charmed my hair so it would stay out of my face.

"Be in, in a bit," I shouted over my shoulder.

"She's bloody mental," I heard Hugo whisper. His comment made me smile. Maybe I was mental, but I was free, at least while I was with them. It wasn't a feeling I was used to and I wanted to embrace it before it got ripped away from me once again.

As I stepped outside I instantly remembered most of my legs were bare, an icy breeze caressed my exposed skin. I could see my misty breath in the air around me. Desperately wishing I was old enough to perform a warmth charm I trudged through the snow to the crumbling hut at the edge of the garden. My seventeenth birthday couldn't come soon enough.

I picked the shiniest broom, knowing that it would be Lily's. Picking it up I turned and banged into someone chest. All of my breath left me in a rush.

"Watch where you are going," someone growled. I would have known that voice anywhere. Blushing a deep red I took a large step back, creating distance between James and I. We hadn't been alone in the same room since I had arrived, in fact I don't think we had ever been alone in the same room, ever.

"Sorry," I murmured trying to duck past him. He always made me feel so inferior and young. It was so bloody infuriating. I was a freaking Malfoy, but with him that title always seemed to fade into insignificance.

"First one to catch the snitch wins," he all but barked grabbing the tiny box that held a snitch form a nearby shelf.

"What?" I cried. I had been wanting a relaxing night time flying session. Trust James Potter to ruin the only relaxing thing in my life.

"First one to catch the snitch wins," he repeated slowly as if he was talking to a baby. My face burned a deeper red. I gripped my broom tighter.

"But you're a chaser," I protested, rocking from side to side in an attempt to warm myself up.

"And I bet I can still catch the snitch before you!" His smug grin seemed to light a fire within me, I was practically shaking with rage. How dare he?

"You're on," I snapped walking quickly from the hut. Distantly I could hear James's mocking laughter behind me, it seemed to wind me up even more.

Not pausing to think I mounted the unfamiliar broom and kicked off into the air, it was as easy as breathing. The only thing my dad had taught me was how to fly. Sometimes I wondered if he was proud that I was seeker even if it was for the Ravenclaw team. I shivered as I flew higher and higher up into the clouds. It was freezing. A tiny spot in the distance came quickly towards me. James seemed to be at ease on his broom and I witnessed his first genuine smile as the wind blew through his hair. For a millisecond he even looked cute. Shaking the thought from my head I pulled my hood up over my ears to try and keep warm.

"Prepare to lose Malfoy," his voice was low and dangerous, he was trying to intimidate me. Shaking my head I whizzed by him knocking the tail end of his broom.

"Prepare to be beaten," I laughed. Sometimes I wondered why I had put off being on the school team for so long, nothing felt better than being free, being yourself in the sky.

"You ready?" James brought the small box from his pocket. I tightened my grip on my broom and licked my blueing lips.

"As I'll ever be," I muttered, I was determined not to lose to James Potter. His eyes burned into mine creating an unfamiliar knot in my stomach as he threw the snitch up into the air. Crouching low I dragged my eyes from his and watched the snitch loiter in front of my eyes before darting quickly into the night. My instincts kicked in, my eyes narrowed in on the snitch and I took off.

James let out a curse word behind me and I increased my speed, loving the feeling of being in control. The wind slapped me repeatedly on the face and I stuck my tongue out so that snowflakes would land on it. Momentarily distracted James flew by me, his warm arm brushed mine. Damn him and his warmth charm. Shaking my head I gazed from right to left looking out for the snitch. Below me I could see the flickering lights of three houses, all spaced out. The Burrow. The Potters. And the Weasley's. I had a feeling they would always stay close to each other.

Hearing a sound to my right I swirled around as I spotted the snitch once again. Pulling abruptly down I flew at a steep angle towards the ground.

Come on Nattalie. Come _on_.

Just in time I pulled up before crashing into the snow, I could sense James hot on my tail. Flying close to the ground I stretched my hand out. Not close enough.

Come _on_.

"Prepare to lose Malfoy."

Blinking to try and get rid of the snowflakes on my eyelashes I crouched lower to try and increase my speed. I stretched my arm out further. Just a little bit more. A little bit more. Almost there.

"Crap," I screamed, my arm reached out to grab the snitch as I fell to the ground. My hand closed into a fist, all the breath was knocked out of me as I landed. Thank god for snow.

"No way!" James hovered above me, "You did not seriously catch that?"

For a minute he almost looked impressed.

Groaning, I stretched out my bruised back as I opened my closed fist, the snitch fluttered to life in my hand. Slowly a smile spread across my face as I fell back into the snow. I could feel my clothes getting wet but I couldn't bring myself to care. I had just beaten James Potter. Spreading my arms and legs I made a snow angle. James still hovered above me, his eyes were dark as he watched me, his expression unreadable.

Acting on impulse I momentarily forgot who he was and reached up pulling him to the snow beside me. A tingle went up my arm as he grabbed it to steady himself, almost immediately he let go.

"So?" I laughed mockingly, "how does it feel to be beaten by a Malfoy?"

He turned his face to meet mine and for a moment I could of sworn I saw a ghost of a smile on his face. I sunk deeper into the snow.

"Rematch?" he growled. Flinching away from his voice I frowned, my imagination had been playing tricks on me again. Stupid competitive Potters.

"Why not?" I sighed pushing myself up.

I was sure I could feel his eyes on me as I walked away, dismissing my absurd thoughts I mounted my broom and pushed off. I had a feeling it was going to be a long night, for some reason that thought brought a smile to my face. I was going to beat him again if it was the last thing I ever did.

_Thoughts?_

_Thank y'all for all the reviews x_


	7. Meet Teddy

"Are you always around here?" My voice betrayed my curiosity and Hugo laughed as he removed a piece of cereal from his hair. Lily just groaned and sunk further down in her chair. She was not a morning person.

"It was Lily's fault. She was determined to win so I just stayed the night," he grinned widely getting up to hunt the surrounding cupboards for yet more food. Hesitantly I chewed on my toast.

"Teddy's here," Ginny called. Vaguely I tried to recall anything Lily had told me about Teddy. I came up with nothing.

Lily seemed to stiffen at her mother's word.

My eyes widened at the blue coloured hair of Teddy Lupin. His muggle attire of jeans and a plain black shirt showed of his developed muscles. Running a tried hand through his hair he took the only spare seat at the table.

"Hey Ted," Hugo slapped him on the back before refilling his cereal bowl. Teddy didn't answer instead his eyes remained on Lily's slouched figure, she still hadn't looked up. Biting my lip I tried to lock eyes with Hugo, but he avoided my gaze.

"Hey Lil's" he spoke softly and reached out a hand to ruffle her hair. Lily looked up sharply, her eyes cold and unforgiving. I flinched. I had never, ever seen Lily act so coldly towards someone before.

Immediately Teddy withdrew his hand and let out an awkward cough. Hugo crunched on his cereal.

"Hi, I'm Nattalie," I plastered a fake smile on my face, eager to break the silence. Teddy eyes flickered towards me and then widened in shock. I cowered away from his accusing eyes.

"You're a Malfoy," his words were bitter. Lily scowled and spoke before I had the chance to.

"Yes she is. Do you have a problem with that?"

Hugo raised his eyes at his cousin's dramatics while I tried desperately to figure out what was going on.

"Maybe I do," Teddy replied coolly, far from the soft man I had seen moments before. Lily seemed to recoil from his words. Her glare was murderous.

"Then get out of my house. Now." she spat.

"Lil's…it's really fine-" I began.

She turned her fiery eyes on me; I could see how hard she was trying not to cry. What was wrong with her? It was not often I was left out of the loop when it came to Lily, we told each other everything, or so I thought.

"No," she hissed in my direction, "it's not fine. You're my friend and this is my house. He can leave if he doesn't like it."

My heart swelled with gratitude and I shot her a quick smile. Hugo looked like he was about to argue against her words but Teddy just looked defeated, his blue hair changing to a faded green then to red. Lily's stormy gaze faltered for a second but she stood her ground.

Teddy's eyes strayed to me. I felt self conscious under his gaze.

"I'm sorry," he told me. I could hear the trace of a lie in his voice but I ignored it, instead I smiled my brightest smile. Lily looked at Teddy, briefly her eyes clouded with an unrecognisable emotion before they flickered towards the door.

"I'm going for a walk," she muttered wrapping her arms tight around her stomach.

"I'll go with you," I offered.

Her eyes sparkled as she looked at me and I understood, we always understood each other. We both knew when each other needed space; I was convinced that was why out friendship seemed to withstand everything thrown at it despite our countless differences.

"I won't be long," she smiled weakly towards me but ignored everyone else. I concentrated once again on nibbling my cold toast feeling very out of my depth without Lily near me.

"Lil's," Teddy shouted after her, he sounded almost desperate.

"It's Lily. See you later Teddy," she said sadly. Her voice seemed to tug at my heart strings, something was truly wrong and I was determined to get to the bottom of it.

The bang of the door announced her departure. A mug slipped from Teddy's hand.

"Crap. Ouch. _Crap_," he muttered furiously.

Without thinking I rushed quickly towards him and towed him towards the sink. I didn't stop to think until I was picking pieces of glass out of his hand. Realising everyone was silent I risked looking up. Teddy was looking at me with a bewildered expression on his face and Ginny who had run into the kitchen was smiling serenely.

"Reparo," she pointed her wand at the mug.

Taking a large step back I could feel my face flushing. Sometimes I forgot about magic.

"Thanks," Teddy smiled a real genuine smile. For some reason I believed I may have won a friend. I smiled carefully back.

A scream of curses interrupted the moment and a loud crash echoed throughout the house as someone stumbled from the ancient fireplace wiping soot off his robes. My hand clamped over my mouth to stop laughter from erupting. Teddy winked at me while Ginny glared at the intruder.

"Bloody hell," Hugo crowed running towards the figure. It was James. Trying to hide my concern I took a seat at the table. Wait, when had I become concerned for James Potter?

Half of his face was covered with soot from the fire as were his robes. He had a fresh cut in the arm of his robe and dark purple circles were evident under his eyes.

"James? Are you alright?" Ginny frowned as she forced her son to sit down. An unexpected spark ran through me as his leg knocked against mine.

"Random test?" Teddy guessed, "owl you in the middle of the night?"

Hugo was gazing between Teddy and James with rapt interest.

"I was only in bed half an hour," James spat, briefly looking at me, "been out all night. I can't wait until I'm fully trained. I'm getting sick of this."

Instantly I sat up straighter, my ears pricked. They were talking about auror training.

"It's only going to get worse once your trained," Ginny laughed humourlessly as she brushed down James's robes. My heart suddenly ached for her. I could never imagine what it must have been like sending off her husband, her brother and her son everyday into danger, not knowing if they would return. I bit my lip.

"I thought we got a few weeks break," James groaned, "but this is the third night this week. Not that it wasn't bloody brilliant," he smiled widely. My heart skipped a beat, but I ignored it.

"It's always worse when we're supposed to be on holiday mate," Teddy grinned while glancing at his watch, "speaking of work I'm late. T-tell L-li…..I mean I'll be over soon."

"Remember the annual party," Ginny interrupted.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." He slapped James on the shoulder and shot me a wink before walking out in the garden to disapparate.

"I'm going to help my mother with preparations. Your dad is working on a case so he'll be out all day. Hugo your mother said something about going to visit her parents. James get some sleep and Nattalie treat this as you home while you're here," Ginny grinned at me, "Oh…and Albus is coming for dinner tonight so you better be here."

Hugo groaned and muttered under his breath as he went in search of his missing shoe.

Suddenly it was just James and I. As I gazed at the table I could feel his burning gaze on my bowed head.

"I'm going to go for a run," he spoke quietly as if afraid to shatter the peace. I frowned.

"Your mum said to get some rest," the words fell from my mouth.

"I will," he spoke quietly with determination, "after I go my run."

Surprisingly I found myself grinning.

"Mind if I come with?" I asked.

James's frowned at me for a moment, his eyes taking in every inch of my body. I felt like I was on fire.

"Only if you can keep up," he smiled suddenly.

Laughing I went to find some shoes.

_Thoughts?_

_Thanks for all your reviews last chapter. If you have time please drop me another one?_

_This is a bit of a filler but I hope y'all enjoyed it x_

.


	8. Falling for James

Panting I continued to push myself forward ignoring the burning feeling in my legs. My shoes left tiny footprints in the snow as I continued to run, I breathed a sigh of relief as I spotted the now familiar house in the distance. I had thought I was fit, that was until I had went running with James. Now I was determined to beat him at all costs, all the extra training I was putting in had better be worth it.

My feet continued to crunch in the snow as I ran loving the feel of the icy wind on my face, it reminded me so much of Quidditch, maybe that's why James loved it so much. Maybe that's why I was beginning to love it too. I almost closed my eyes to savour the moment.

"Nattalie?"

Quickening my pace I veered onto the pathway up to the house and smiled at Hermione and Rose as they stood watching me. They huddled together to keep warm and I smiled as I took in the sight of their matching scarves. Upon seeing me Ron had stormed ahead and was already in the warm house, I hadn't expected anything less.

"Hi," I gasped coming to a standstill and bracing myself by putting my hands on my legs. I stuck my tongue out to catch the falling snow flakes.

"You run?" Rose raised her eyebrows as Hermione muttered a warmth charm under her breath.

"Nope," I smiled trying to regain my breath. Hermione laughed suddenly and I jumped, startled.

"This has James written all over it," she smirked.

"Nope, not James. Just my desire to beat him."

"I'm beginning to like you more and more every day," Rose laughed with her mother as we all started walking in the direction of the house. Still smiling I drunk in the sight of the large muggle Christmas tree dominating the front window that we had put up the night before. Just beyond that I could see Harry and Ron in deep conversation while Lily lay curled up in the couch pretending to read her transfiguration book while in reality day dreaming as always. I was starting to feel at home with the Potters, it was not something I would ever have expected.

"We're here!" Hermione called shaking the snow from her loose curls as she walked through the door.

"Finally!" Lily cried dramatically as she threw down her book, her eyes widened as her eyes flickered over me.

"Where have you been? Your not even dressed!" she spluttered as she stalked towards me. Rose shrugged apologetically at me before ducking into the kitchen with everybody else.

"I went a run," I spoke slowly, "Why?"

"We're going to Diagon Ally in like fifteen minutes," she screeched pulling desperately at the end of my tangled locks. James laughed sourly as he ran quickly down the stairs listening to us, without thinking I stuck my tongue out at him. He narrowed his eyes.

"Oh crap," I murmured, "that's today?"

"Yes," Lily threw her arms up into the air as James flipped me off before stumbling into the kitchen. I hid a smirk behind my hand.

"Right, this calls for an emergency!"

Running up the stairs my legs protested furiously but my pain would never be able to compete with a mad Lily. She threw my skinny jeans at me and one of her own blue jumpers as we fell into our room. I tried to catch my breath.

"I need to shower," I moaned.

"No time," she muttered, "we'll just spray lots of perfume on you." I wrinkled my nose up but didn't dare disobey as I threw off my wet clothes and flung on the new, warm ones. Lily was behind me all the time muttering charms to curl my hair.

"Lily," I protested trying to duck out the way, "is this really necessary?"

"Tom and the boys might be in Diagon Alley today, I want you to look your best."

I groaned as she turned to the muggle cosmetics and began to poke eyeliner at me.

"This is torture," I groaned.

"Some normal people actually find this fun," she laughed as she handed me a tube of cherry lip-gloss.

"When have I ever been normal," I grinned as I put a lick of lip-gloss on my still blue lips. Lily stuck her tongue out at me.

I felt cheerful as Lily and I ran down the stairs. Ron's eyes narrowed as I entered the kitchen and Hermione nudged him in the ribs. Hard.

James looked at me strangely, his eyes drinking in my every feature and my heart did a weird little leap. What was getting into me?

"What?" I asked, "Do I have something on my face?"

"No," James almost snapped, "you look fine." He turned away and launched himself into a conversation with Ron. My cheeks felt warm.

"Fine!" Ginny exclaimed, "she looks more than _fine_. She looks beautiful."

"Thanks Mrs Potter," I flushed an even deeper red but a sharp pain shot through me when I realised James was still ignoring me.

"Are we ready?" Ron moaned as he fiddled with his wand, I was frightened it would suddenly turn on me.

"Wait!" Lily seemed panicked, "the boys are coming? Dress shopping?"

Booming laughter suddenly filled the kitchen and I fought the urge to cover my ears.

"As if little sister," James ruffled Lily's hair, "we're going to meet Albus and the other big strong men in the leaky cauldron."

"Big, _strong _men?" Lily rolled her eyes and seemed to go back to her normal self. Something was up with her and I was determined to find out what.

"Can we just go?" Ron moaned again, " I need a fire whisky." Hermione glared at him as she begun to walk outside. Uh oh.

"H-how are we getting there?" I asked.

"Apparition, Malfoy," James smirked.

"Oh Crap! I forgot your not of age are you? And I don't think I'd be strong enough to take us both," Lily fretted as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"I'll take her," James grumbled reluctantly. My heart did a tiny somersault.

"Are you sure?" Lily seemed doubtful, "your not going to drop her in Alaska or something are you?"

"Lil's, I think Mum would kill me," he laughed, although thanks to Lily I was suddenly feeling anxious. He wouldn't, would he? Sometimes I forgot how much he really hated my family.

"If your sure," she murmured I realised we were suddenly in the garden, "See you there." I watched in fascination as she began to twirl quickly on the spot, I felt sick just watching her. And then she was gone.

James stretched out his hand towards me. I looked at it dumbly.

"You have to hold it Malfoy," he murmured lowly.

"Oh," I felt like banging my head off a wall, "yeh." Without another thought I grabbed tightly onto his hand, it seemed to fit perfectly with mine. I blushed again.

"Don't look so ill Malfoy. Its not like I'm enjoying this either," his eyes flashed and I felt a pang of loneliness.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be," I murmured.

I let out a little squeal and grabbed tighter onto his hand as I closed my eyes.

"Don't let go," his warm breath tickled my ear and for some reason I felt completely and utterly safe and that scared the hell of me. I was falling for an arrogant but handsome James Potter who just so happened to hate me with every cell in his body. But that didn't mean I couldn't savour the moment while it lasted.

_Thoughts?_

_I am so, so ,so sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I have just become so wrapped up in my twilight stories and I couldn't seem to think of any ideas for What if! But I'm back and I do have ideas now, this is more of a filler but I promise to update soon with some more action __J_

_As always, thank you for all the lovely reviews._


	9. Nothing but Drama

_As always thank you all so much for your lovely reviews, that's what keeps me writing. As you may have noticed I've changed the name of this story form What if? To Forbidden Attractions. It seemed to fit the story more. Anyways here we go again. Enjoy…_

"I am never, _ever_ going dress shopping with you two again," I stumbled out of the shop as quickly as possible while Fay and Lily linked arms giggling.

"It wasn't _that_ bad," Lily rolled her eyes, "you're just being over dramatic!"

"Over dramatic?" I snapped, "over bloody dramatic? I swear that retched woman tightened my dress because she had nothing to do. I can hardly _breath_ in it."

Fay snorted behind her hand as she swung her own bag in her hand. An owl swooped low above our heads. I bit back a curse. It was not my day.

"It does look stunning though," Lily sighed twirling a red curl around her finger. Allowing myself to peek into my bag I couldn't help but smile a little at the glimpse of the soft blue material. It was definitely the nicest thing I had ever bought, and the most expensive, but I wasn't going to dwell on that.

"Not as beautiful as you and Fay though," I protested pausing to look in the window of the Quidditch shop. The poster of the snitch made my heart squeeze unexpectedly on my chest. A picture of James laying beside me in the snow crept into my thoughts.

"I'm sure that's not true," a low voice tickled my ear and I automatically reached for my wand as I jumped backwards. Stupid idiot.

"Tom," I snapped pressing my hand to my beating heart, "don't _ever_ sneak up on a Malfoy."

"But your reaction is just too funny," he smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my hair. I shivered. He was beginning to get too comfortable doing things like that- touching my hair and sneaking his arm around my waist. It was too confusing.

"Ralph," Lily almost seemed stunned as he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in for a kiss, "w-what are you doing here?"

"I wanted a peek at your dress," he reached for her bag at the same time as Tom reached for mine. Fay shuffled awkwardly from foot to foot as we whacked their hands away.

"Not even a little peek?" Tom grinned as he stepped even closer towards me.

"No," I gulped as he grabbed my hand. My thoughts instantly drifted to earlier on when James had my hand in his, that had seemed so more natural. Easy.

"How about we take you girls for some lunch?" Ralph slung his arm around Lily. I tried not to notice the way she flinched and averted her eyes. Something wasn't right. For months Lily and Ralph had been inseparable, I wondered what had changed.

"No thanks," I protested, "we're almost finished shopping and then we have to get back-"

"That's a great idea," Lily caught me off suddenly smiling again, "why don't we go to the Leaky Cauldron?"

I frowned as my thoughts churned endlessly in my head.

"But isn't that where-" I began to protest but Lily elbowed me. Hard.

"Sounds like a great idea," Tom squeezed my hand and began towing me along. I looked back at Fay in desperation but she merely shrugged while Lily looked distracted as Ralph tucked her into his side. So much for a girly day.

As we entered the Leaky Cauldron I fought the urge to cover my ears as people shouted at each other from across the room. The fire whisky was obviously flowing freely. Almost immediately I spotted James sitting with Issac Longbottom. I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face. Beside them was Albus, Rose and Teddy.

"Why don't we go over there?" Lily almost smirked as she pointed to where I had been looking. Suddenly all I could think about was my untamed hair and smudged make up. She had to be joking.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Ralph looked a little pale as he glanced around, "your _whole_ family is here."

"You were going to have to meet them sometime," Lily almost snapped. I frowned. Lily wasn't acting like herself, not at all.

James lifted his head as we neared the table and his eyes seemed to narrow in on our little group. I could of sworn his eyes lingered on mine and Tom's intertwined hands but I was probably imagining things.

"Nat!" Issac grinned as he stood and pulled me out of Tom's strong grip and into his familiar embrace. I laughed as he steadied me and I pressed my body against his chest as I stood on my top toes to press a kiss to his cheek. His soft blue eyes skimmed over me as he grinned. Strangely, I had missed him.

"You know Issac?" James almost grinned at me as he slouched down in his seat. Where as, in contrast Teddy's stare was icy as Lily and Ralph slid into the cramped booth their lips almost glued to one another while I still stood in Issac's warm arms.

"Who doesn't know Issac?" I whacked him playfully on the arm, "I thought you would be at home filling yourself with knowledge."

"I heard the Potters were on a fire whisky marathon. My Dad insisted I come, he's with Harry somewhere," he threw his arms around as he spoke and narrowly missed James's nose as he slid back into the booth. I hid a laugh behind my hand but grew sombre as I realised there was nowhere for me to sit.

"I'll stand if you want," Albus offered looking a little crushed in-between Teddy and Lily. Lily's giggles were over exaggerated as Ralph kissed her neck while Teddy looked sick. James's fists were clenched as his eyes swivelled continuously to his baby sister. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"That's alright," Tom murmured, "You can sit on my knee." I hadn't time to protest before his arms snaked around my waist and I was on his lap.

"I'm sure we can get her a chair," James's expression was dark and I squirmed around as Tom laid his hand on my thigh. Issac's mouth was turned down into a frown. He knew I wasn't a big fan of public displays of affection, with anyone.

"It's fine," Tom smirked his arms tightening around my waist. I swallowed loudly.

"She can _get_ a chair." James's voice was final and my heart squeezed a little as his eyes briefly connected with mine before he went back to ignoring my existence.

Then all was back to normal as I located a chair.

James ignoring me. Lily ignoring Teddy. Lily sucking Ralph's face off. Fay sitting quietly in the corner. Teddy looking murderous. Tom trying to engage me in conversation. Issac and I sharing an inside joke. James glaring opening at Ralph, his wand in his fisted hand. Albus listening.

Nothing but drama.

I sighed and closed my eyes wondering what the hell the rest of the holidays had in store for me. Issac noticing my expression smiled and slid his fire whisky towards me with a wink.

Oh well…might as well get drunk.

_Thoughts?_

_Sorry for any typos._


	10. Drunkin confessions

_Thank you all so much for your reviews. I would really appreciate your thoughts on whether I should continue this story. Thanks. Here we go with another chapter…_

My body was curved unintentionally towards Issac as I sat on his lap taking another swig from my fire whisky. My eyes darted to the dance floor where Lily was grinding up against Ralph, her red hair piled up on top of her head. James sat across from us in the booth, his stormy eyes locked on Lily. He looked like he wanted to murder her, or Ralph, or both. Tom was also on the dance floor with a little blonde witch, her hips swayed in time with the music as she edged closer and closer to him. Surprisingly, I felt nothing but disappointment. That hadn't taken him long.

"What do you have to be gay Issac?" I slurred snuggling into his chest as I closed my eyes, "you're the o-only decent boy around."

"I'm sure that's not true," Issac smoothed down my hair. He sounded surprisingly sober considering the amount he had drunk. I watched though lidded eyes as James and him shared a look of amusement. The whole pub seemed to spin around me.

"But it is!" I protested hitting my fist off his chest for emphasis, "you're incredibly smart and funny. And also freakishly Godly in a handsome way," I felt Issac rumble in laughter beneath me but I continued to slur, "And do you know what else? You don't care that I'm a Malfoy." Issac moved the bottle of fire whisky away from me as I reached for another gulp. I frowned up at him.

"You're Nattalie, that's all that matters to most people," he spoke softly. Shaking my head from side to side I tried to ignore the nauseous feeling clawing away at me. My throat burned. Gripping Issac's t-shirt in my hand I forced myself to look into his pitying blue eyes.

"That's not true. My f-father killed people and my grandfather was an even bigger ass," I hiccupped as a tear fell uselessly down my cheek, "nobody apart from Lily and you spoke to me for the first two years of Hogwarts. Ralph hates me but he only hides it because he l-loves Lily. And J-James hate me and-"

"You're drunk," James stated coldly cutting me off. I brushed a strand of hair away from my face as I glared at him. He always had to be superior to me. It was starting to get on my nerves.

"Yes," I murmured softly, "I guess I am. Does it make you feel better to see me weak and defenceless? Why don't you curse me right now? Huh?"

"Nattalie," Issac whispered pulling me closer to him, "James doesn't hate you."

"I think he does," I smiled as I managed to grab the fire whisky bottle again, "I haven't heard him deny it. Have you?"

"I thought I hated you," he murmured so lowly that I almost couldn't hear him, "but-"

"I think you should take her home," a deep voice interrupted whatever James had been about to say. A large man held a cowering Lily in his arms, her hair was dishevelled and her make up was smeared all over her face. She looked so vulnerable and scared. So un-Lily like behaviour.

"Lily," I gasped stumbling drunkenly to my feet to catch her in an embrace. She was so cold. Something was seriously wrong with her.

"I t-told him I didn't love him," she croaked gripping tightly onto my arm, "and then he left me." Her body shook with sobs and I felt helpless as I swayed unsteadily on my feet. Everything was such a mess. And I did not cope well with emotional situations.

It was only when the cold air slapped me in the face that I realised the boys had led us outside. The surrounding bustle of Diagon Alley burned my ears. I wanted nothing more than curl up into a ball and sleep. Forever.

"Teddy," Lily was muttering to herself, "I-I want Teddy!"

"Steady there," Issac breathed as I stumbled forward to try and comfort Lily, my hand clinging to his tightly. My face flushed in embarrassment.

"I'm going to make such a great Auror," I hiccupped, "I cant even look after myself for one lousy night."

"You _are_ going to make a great Auror," Issac's voice was fierce, "but you may have to learn how to handle your drink,"

I barked out a dry laugh as I let go of his hand and slid down the wall helplessly. I was so stupid.

"Do you think anyone will ever love me?" I whispered wrapping my arms tightly around my body. I felt so lonely. And so incredibly unworthy of Issac's friendship.

"I think someone already does," he whispered. Before I had time to question him James appeared with Teddy. I watched as Lily flung himself into his arms with a sob.

"Lets go home," James sounded unusually tired.

Without a glance backwards Teddy apparated with a sobbing Lily wrapped tightly in his arms. Something was definitely going on between the two of them. I just didn't understand what. "No. No!" I cried as James advanced towards me, "I feel sick. I cannot apparate."

"I'm afraid you have no choice," he smirked while Issac stood off to the side watching us both with a lazy smile on his face. I glared at him.

I gasped in shock as James wrapped his arms around me from behind, his touch seemed o spread a pleasant warmth throughout my body. Without conscious thought I sunk back into his embrace.

"For the record I don't hate you anymore. In truth I don't think I ever did," he whispered lowly in my ear sending shivers down my spine.

"See you at the party," Issac yelled as the world began to spin around us.

The last thing I remember is throwing up all over James's shoes. And then nothing.

_Thoughts?_

_I know it is shockingly short but I am studying for exams right now. Until next time.._


	11. Consequences

_It has been way too long, and I am sorry. Thank you so much to all of you who have reviewed despite my absence. I promise I have not stopped writing this story and as always I would love to hear your feedback. Here we go with another chapter…_

I felt like death. Leaning against the bath to hold myself up I glanced at Lily who was still leaning over the toilet, her face deathly pale. Looking down I realised I was still wearing the same clothes I had worn the night before. Everything was in such a mess.

"I am never drinking fire whisky again," Lily groaned as she brushed her hair away from her face in annoyance. Pulling myself up I scrunched my nose up at the foul smell in the bathroom. We stunk.

"Agreed," I croaked as I gripped onto the edge of the sink to stay standing. My eyes widened as I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My blonde hair was sticking up in hundred of different directions and smelled suspiciously like vomit. Dark circles were prominent beneath my blood shot eyes and my face almost seemed to lack colour. I looked sick.

"What the hell did I do?" Lily whispered as she pressed her eyes shut. I winced as I remembered James's anger as I threw up all over his shoes and Issac's knowing smile as I had spilled all my worries to him. It had been a hell of a night.

"LILY POTTER."

We both flinched as we heard the sound of thunderous footstep coming up the stairs. A horrible feeling wormed itself into my stomach as I spotted Mr and Mrs Potter through the open door, James was close on their heels. Of course he was smirking, I narrowed my eyes as I realised the stupid drink had absolutely no effect on him. Figures.

"Mum. Dad," Lily said weakly as they pushed the door open with a grimace. James wafted his hand in front of his face as he peered inside, his eyes seemed to narrow as they landed on me. Sinking back down to the floor I curled myself into the smallest ball possible. They had let me stay in their home and I had royally screwed up.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Ginny's eyes flickered between the two of us as Mr Potter continued to frown, "Drinking enough to make yourself sick is just unacceptable."

"Drinking at all at their age is unacceptable," My Potter said with a glance at his wife. I held back a grin as I saw her smile sheepishly at the floor.

"You are both grounded for the remainder of the holidays," Mrs Potter's voice was firm as Lily cowered away from her serious stare, "Well, after tonight's party that is."

"Idiots," James hissed under his breath as he went to leave the scene.

"Hold up. I have a feeling you had a part in this too," Mr Potter smirked in James direction, "I cant exactly ground you but I'm sure I'll think up some sort of punishment."

"I should just move out like Albus did," James muttered under his breath as he turned and stomped away from the scene. I couldn't help but smile weakly at his childish antics. He was continuously surprising me and I was never sure how he was going to react to anything, it made me wary.

"You have just under two hours to get ready," glancing up I noticed Mrs Potter's hair was already a lot tamer than it normally was, "And then you will help set up. I expect you both to be on your best behaviour tonight. Understood?"

"Mum," Lily whined as I nodded, "I don't even think I want to go to the stupid party."

"Are you feeling alright Lils?" James shouted from the end of the hallway. I was almost certain that I could detect genuine concern beneath his sarcasm.

"I'm just not in the party mood," she whispered. A sharp pain stabbed me in the stomach as I remembered her vulnerability from the night before after she had dumped Ralph. He was going to be there. Lily was so more complex than I had ever realised, I was a terrible friend.

"You'll be fine," I whispered. Her eyes were wide as she turned to look at me and I could see the tears shining in them. Grabbing her hand in mine as I had done all those years ago at the sorting ceremony, I squeezed it reassuringly. James caught my eye from the end of the hallway, his stormy eyes left me momentarily breathless.

"I'm sorry Lily but I don't think your Grandmother would be very happy if you just skipped one of her parties. Besides it's Christmas Eve, enjoy yourself." Mrs Potter's voice was soft as she gazed down at Lily and I could see the worry in her eyes. I glanced up as they turned to walk away.

"Mrs Potter," I croaked, "I am so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"It's fine Nattalie," Mr Potter smiled softly, "Just don't do it again, okay?" It constantly amazed me that the Potters could be so kind when they were obviously still angry. Back at the Malfoy Manor I would have most likely been locked in my room for coming home drunk and embarrassing the family. My mouth suddenly went dry as I realised they could find out, why had I been so stupid, in the Leaky Cauldron of all places.

"I suppose we better get ready," Lily's voice was almost emotionless as she stood up and held her hand out to me. Both of us let out a burst of laughter as we stood side by side in front of the mirror.

"We are pathetic," I smiled as Lily reached up frantically in an attempt to flatten her hair. All I wanted to do was fall into bed and sleep for hours. The Potters hectic lifestyle was draining me.

"I cant argue with that. If any of last nights antics gets in the Prophet my father is going to kill me," she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye as if deciding whether to ask me something, "W-was it Teddy that brought me home last night?"

I watched as my reflection frowned back at me. Lily's face seemed to pale a little as she reached up to run a hand through her tangled hair.

"Yeah," I told her, watching as she grew even paler.

"Crap," Lily murmured as she caught sight of the clock out in the hallway, "We do not have nearly enough time to get ready. Come on."

Her abrupt personality changes was giving my whiplash.

"You look beautiful."

Scoffing I turned to look at Lily as she appraised her work of art, or in other words, me. I felt awkward and exposed, not beautiful. I was pretty sure the word beautiful was never used in the Malfoy household, ever.

"You are just missing one thing."

Startled I turned to look in the mirror as Lily came up behind me. My blue dress, so similar to the blue colour of my house made me smile. I thought of my brother's green coloured room at home and the sneak peek I had of James's red room. Never had I purposely bought something that reminded me of my house, that reminded me that I belonged somewhere. It was strangely comforting.

My breath caught as Lily pinned a broach to the front of my dress, it was in the shape of the Ravenclaw eagle. it's bronze colour seemed to glow in the sunlight coming in through Lily's bedroom window.

"Lils," I whispered, "Where did you get this?"

"It was part of your Christmas present," she shrugged as she glanced at her own short, black dress, "but I saw you in that dress and just knew you had to wear it with it."

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice catching on the word, "for the broach. Thank you for letting me come here this Christmas and for standing up for me and-"

"Hey," Lily's hand was soft on my arm as she turned to face me, "Don't get all sappy on me Malfoy. This is what best friends do. Now don't make me cry, I just spent ages doing both of our make up."

We both burst out laughing as we glanced at out tearful eyes in the mirror. Sometimes we were so stupid.

"Now," she continued, "Let's find you some heels."

"No," I held my hands up as I backed away from her towards the door, "No way am I wearing those death traps."

"Oh come _on_," she smirked as she advanced towards me, "Only a teensy little heel?"

Letting out a scream I swirled around and ran out of the room and down the hallway. I heard Lily let out another round of laughter behind me. I groaned as I banged into someone. A hard somebody.

"Do you ever watch where you are going?" James growled in my ear. Stepping backwards I felt slightly dizzy as James's eyes swept over my dress. I felt like I was on fire as his eyes continued to drink in my appearance.

"James?" I whispered as he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. His hand stopped in mid air as if he suddenly realised who I was. My heart sunk.

"I uhm..you look- Mum said," he scratched at the back of his head as he searched for words, "We have to go now."

I watched in silence as he turned his back on me and walked away. Lily appeared beside me gasping for breath as she dangled a pair of heels in front of me.

"What was that about?" she gasped clutching at her side.

"I don't know," I whispered, "I don't know."

But I was pretty sure that I had just rendered James Potter speechless.

_Thoughts?_

_Sorry it's a little short, I promise the chapter about the party will be longer. _


	12. Mistletoe and Lies

_Hi there. Thank you all so much for the reviews last chapter, I thought you deserved a quick update, so here we go. Enjoy.._

Coughing, I stumbled out from the fireplace and tried to regain my balance. A shiver ran down the length of my spine as James grabbed onto my arm to balance me almost without thinking. He seemed to be doing that a lot.

"You really don't like travelling between places by any form of transport, do you?" His grin was wicked as he glanced once again down at my dress before letting me go almost reluctantly. Breathing deeply I fought the urge to turn around and go straight back to the Potter's house and escape. There were people, _everywhere_.

"Hi Nattalie," a voice called from my right. Glancing up I offered a weak smile in the direction that the voice had come from. I hated small talk and fake smiles and suspicious glances. Basically I didn't really like parties at all. Pulling down fiercely at the bottom of my dress to make it longer I frowned at James as he scanned the room obviously looking for someone.

"I swear," Lily spat as she walked gracefully out from the fireplace, "What the bloody hell was the point in getting all dressed up for Dad to insist we floo and get this disgusting soot all over my dress." She sighed heavily as she swiped furiously at her dress. Some things never changed.

"You look fine," I said half heartedly, my eyes still on James. He turned to look at me for a second, his eyebrows raised before turning away. My face flushed a deep red. I watched as he began to move through the crowd towards someone. Stupidly I felt as though I had been punched repeatedly in the stomach as James looped his arm casually around another girl laughing.

"Who' that?" I asked Lily gesturing wildly in their direction. Ignoring the twisting feeling in my stomach I let out a hiss as someone pushed their way by me.

"Who?" Lily was glancing around the room also, "Oh. That's Seira Wood. She and James hook up sometimes." My mouth felt dry as I watched him twirl one of her brown curls around his finger like he had done to me only minutes before. I felt sick, which of course was completely unreasonable because I hated James Potter. Absolutely loathed him. Or I had. I did. I don't know.

"Crap," Lilly muttered as she tugged desperately on my arm, "Cover for me." My mouth let out a strangled sound of protest but Lily had already ducked her head and scurried quickly away. Some friend. Feeding me to the wolfs. Reaching up in an attempt to fix my hair I plastered a smile on my face as Ralph and Tom approached me. They looked almost as bad as I felt, their blood shot eyes telling me that they too had felt the effects of the hellish fire whisky. I couldn't help but smile to myself.

"Nat," I let out a squeak as Tom pulled me into a hug without any warning, "You look absolutely gorgeous. I just cannot wait to find you under some mistletoe." I felt bile rise in my throat as I wobbled unsteadily in Lily's stupid heels.

"You weren't saying that last night," I muttered under my breath remembering the blonde witch that he had been all too happy to dance with. Not that I had minded. Sometimes I wondered how those fools had ever ended up in Ravenclaw.

"Nat," he protested too loudly, earning us a few stares, "I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing and-" I had a strange feeling they had already started boozing again. Stupid boys.

"Where's Lily?" Ralph cut him off, his voice sharp. Recoiling from his tone I took a large step backwards until I was almost flat against the wall. In truth I had never liked Ralph but even I could not deny the adoration he had for Lily, his complete and utter infatuation with her. Yet again I wondered what had gone wrong between them. Everything had been fine at Hogwarts, almost too perfect at times.

"I have no idea," I answered honestly as I tried to make my way past him. Tom frowned at him as he moved to block my path. It would have been much too obvious to reach into my bag and grab my wand; this was why I didn't wear freaking dresses or high heels. Jeans were practical.

"Tell me where she is," he growled lowly, "I have done nothing wrong and I don't deserve to be treated like some filthy mudbl-"

"I would stop right there if I was you," I snapped as I snatched my wand from my bag and pressed it firmly against his chest. Tom's eyes widened as he moved to block us from the view of those around us. I hated that disgusting word, he knew that.

"You're not even of age," he smirked as I pressed my wand harder against him, "You can't be an Auror with a criminal record and besides, you wouldn't want me to spread a rumour about how bad you're best friend was in bed."

"Oh you son of a b-" I raised my wand about to hex him as someone slipped in beside me and snuck his arm around my waist. Resisting, I tried to move towards Ralph.

"He's not worth it," Issac whispered softly in my ear as he grabbed my wand and slid it into his pocket before pulling me away from the scene. Breathing heavily I forced myself to keep calm as we pushed through the countless people until we were out the snow.

"He's an absolute slime ball," I erupted as the door slammed shut behind me, "I can't believe Lily ever liked him." Sitting down on the back steps I ignored the curious looks that were being shot in my direction. Issac sighed as he sat down beside me and grasped my hand in his. He was too kind.

"He is a slime ball," Issac agreed with a smile as I leant back into his embrace. Snow flakes fell around us and I found myself wishing that I could stay stuck in that moment forever.

"I was stupid wasn't I?" I murmured looking up into the sky. I was always stupid, or rash, or inconsiderate. I was a Malfoy at heart after all.

"Maybe," I felt Issac shrug his shoulders beside me, "but you were defending your best friend. That shows loyalty, and besides you didn't back down from the fight. You did exactly what I would have done." Stretching my legs out in front of me I smiled a little as the icy wind caressed my face.

"You're just saying that to make me feel better," I told him, but it had worked. Issac and I jumped up as we heard a crackling sound nearby; I instantly grabbed my wand from his pocket as we both glared into the mist.

"Calm down," deep laughter floated towards us, "although I must say I am impressed with your quick reflexes."

My face grew hot with embarrassment and I leant into Issac's side as Kingsley stalked into the garden. I frowned as I noticed he was leaving no footprints in the snow. Cool trick.

"Minister," Issac nodded as we moved to the side to let him past.

"Hope to hear from you soon Miss Malfoy, Mr Longbottom. Good luck with your NEWT's." I let out a breath I hadn't even known I'd been holding as he went inside.

"The Minister of Magic just turns up to the Weasley's parties?" I demanded. For as long as I could remember any visit from the ministry had been associated with dread, with accusations towards my family. But he had said my name and smiled at me. My mind was blown, literally. Maybe I wasn't so damned after all.

"They're close friends," Issac held my hand in his again as he headed for the door, "Let's go inside, it's freezing out here."

"People," I groaned as the sound of laughter drifted out towards me. Issac glanced down at me and shook his head at my terrified expression.

"Suck it up," he told me before pushing me inside. Across the room I watched as Rose blushed and looked up the man standing beside her while across the room Hermione had to restrain Ron from marching over there. I sighed wistfully wondering what it would be like to have a father who actually cared.

"I have to go and talk to my Dad for a minute. I'll be back soon," Issac gave me a brief kiss on the cheek before walking away. I saw Tom approaching me from the other side of the room. Frowning, I turned and fled in the opposite direction, I was not in the mood to deal with Tom at that moment in time.

Making sure no one was watching I slipped my heels off and padded quietly up the stairs. Maybe I could find a room to read over my Charms book or practice my patronus. Chewing on my lip I crept down the hallway before pushing open the nearest door.

For a second my mind went completely and utterly blank as if it could not quite register what it was seeing. Lily. Teddy. Lily and Teddy together. Taking a step backwards I tried to pretend what I was seeing wasn't real. I gasped as Lily tangled her hair in Teddy's hair as it changed colour rapidly- from blue, to green, to red, to yellow. They were _kissing_. Not just kissing, completely entangled in each other's embrace, almost joined together. I let out a curse as I stubbed my toe on the nearby dresser. Everything was suddenly silent.

"Nat?" a terrified voice asked. Closing my eyes I continued to back away as I heard Lily advancing towards me.

"I didn't see anything," I said in a rush, "Nothing. No kiss. I-"

"Nat, It's not what it looks like." I could hear the lie in Lily's voice. She was lying to me. The one person I trusted with my life was lying to me. She was lying to me. I could hear Teddy's strained voice in the background and Lily's hesitant sobs. Turning, I fell from the room and ran down the stairs. My head was spinning. They had been kissing. Full on, reckless kisses.

Finding the nearest corner away from people I sunk to the floor and put my head in my hands. There was nine years between them. Nine. I thought of the familiar way in which Lily's body had moulded into his, the carefully way in which he had placed his hand on her hips. That wasn't that first time they had kissed, that much I could tell, but she hadn't told me. James would kill him if he found out, as would Albus and Hugo and everyone. If her secret got out she would never forgive me.

"Nattalie?"

Glancing upwards I opened my eyes and looked up into the unusually concerned eyes of James. Scrambling to my feet I tried to push the image of Lily and Teddy to the back of my head.

"Are you alright?" He looked uncomfortable as he gazed at me for a second too long. Nothing was ever simple. A shiver ran through the length of my body as he continued to gaze at me.

"Hey," Issac called over the throng of voices, "you're under the mistletoe."

Oh no. James and I looked up simultaneously, Issac let out a gleeful laugh as James let out a groan. His eyes were narrowed as he looked down at me. My stomach twisted itself into a knot; he seemed to be disgusted by the thought of kissing me.

"Its fine," I murmured, my whole body was still shaking, "It's only a stupid mistletoe." James's hand grabbed my arm as I tried to get by. People were starting to congregate around us. I spotted a tearful Lily at the back of the crowd; Teddy had his hands on his shoulders trying to calm her down. I swallowed loudly. Nothing was ever simple.

"Its bad luck if we don't kiss, isn't it?" James's eyes flickered to Issac for a moment as his hand tightened almost painfully on my arm. Issac nodded. I was going to kill him.

"Go on," Hagrid shouted from outside, "Give the girl a kiss."

Tom's face was distorted in disgust and Ralph just smirked cruelly as James took a step towards me. Everyone was watching. My heart thumped loudly in my chest.

"You don't have to," I murmured again, very aware of the camera Mrs Potter was pointing towards us. Stupid Lily. If I hadn't walked in on her and Teddy I could have been curled up in a room upstairs reading my charms book instead, I was in this mess.

"I'm offended," James frowned as he pulled me even closer to him, "I'm actually a pretty good kisser Malfoy. Just close your eyes and it will be over in two seconds."

Snapping my eyes shut I sighed as James's soft lips touched mine. I tasted snowflakes and coffee. Keeping my eyes closed I reached up and wound my arms around his necks as his hands rested on my lower back. It was so much better than I could ever have imagined, everyone else seemed to fade away as James continued to kiss me. Our lips moved in sync and I let out a small sound of surprise as he deepened the kiss. My heart raced.

"Look at that. A Malfoy and a Potter. Who would have thought?" someone called. James pushed me away as if he was burnt as people continued to yell around us. His hair was sticking up in disarray and he seemed to breathing heavier than normal as he locked eyes with me. I felt like I was going to fall over.

"Looks like Malfoy enjoyed that a bit too much." James's mocking voice seemed to pierce my heart. Taking a step backwards I kept my eyes on his as I tried to regain control of my breathing.

"You wish Potter," I hissed and his eyes widened in surprise at my poisonous tone. James Potter was cruel and he deserved everything he got. Turning on my heel I pushed by the crowd, not stopping when Lily called out my name. Nobody was going to make a fool out of me, especially not James Potter.

_Thoughts? _


	13. Revelations

_Hi everyone. I seem to be on a role with these characters at the moment. I can never seem to get to sleep without new ideas bugging me, so here is my third chapter in three days. Whew. Anyway thank you all so much for the reviews, they constantly make me smile. I am off to collapse into a deep sleep, hope you enjoy the latest chapter, it's a definite turning point…_

"What is wrong with you all?"

Mrs Potter's voice broke the silence that had been hanging ominously around in the air. Cradling my mug of hot chocolate in my chilled hands I brought my legs up to my chest in an attempt to seem as small as possible. Across the room Lily sent me a desperate look, I winced as I noticed the puffiness around her eyes. She had been crying. Teddy was sitting as far away from her as possible but I could see the way his hand itched forwards as if to comfort her every time she sighed. It was torturous for them both to be apart, that much I could clearly see.

I wasn't mad at Lily; I couldn't find it in my heart to ever be mad at her. But I was hurt. More hurt than I could remember being in years. She knew every single one of my secrets, in some ways I even thought she knew me better than I knew myself. Her relationship with Teddy was more than complicated than anything we had ever shared before, I understood that, but I also knew it couldn't stay a secret forever and I had a feeling that would be where out opinions clashed.

"Nothing is wrong," James's voice was snappy as he glared into the dancing flames of the fire. All morning he had been studiously avoiding my gaze, as if it pained him to even look at me for any length of time. He had dark shadows under his eyes that left me wondering when he had gotten home the night before. I could have sworn I heard Issac's voice in the early hours of the morning trying to calm him down. Yet more secrets that I was excluded from. I shouldn't have been surprised. I was a Malfoy after all.

"Something is obviously wrong," Rose murmured as she looked up from her book. She had been quieter than normal all morning as she had gazed almost sadly out of the misted window. Her Dad had been burning a hole in the back of her head with his furious stares since they had arrived at the Potters. There was some family drama going on between the Weasley's. That much I was sure of.

"It's Christmas," Hugo groaned as his eyes flickered accusingly between the rest of us, "Can we please just open out presents and smile for a while?"

Taking a sip of my hot chocolate I looked down as Lily tried to catch my eye again. To me, despite the silence, it was the best Christmas I had ever had. She was the only one who would know that. Of course there was those rare Christmases in the first years of my life where my Mum would make all my favourite foods and my Dad would take me out into the snowy grounds and teach me how to fly. But for years I had been cooped up inside Hogwarts library trying desperately to forget about families like the Potters who sat around their Christmas trees and sang carols.

"Yes," James had enthusiasm in his voice for the first time since I had kissed him, "Lets open the god damned presents." Our hands touched as we both sat out mugs on the table at the same time. I tried not to look wounded as he pulled his hand back instantly as if electrocuted. Mrs Potter caught my eye as I chewed hard on my bottom lip.

"Why don't we let Nattalie open the first present this year since she is the guest?" Mrs Potter's voice was warm, motherly in way that I had not experienced for so long. I wondered what my own mother would be doing at that very moment. Probably sitting in her arm chair staring at the Christmas tree alone while my father worked and Scorpius lay in bed. I tried to push away the guilty feeling that wormed its way into my stomach.

"Do we have to?"

"James," Lily snapped at him, her voice fierce. Looking up I caught her eye for the first time all day. Even when I was ignoring her she found it in her heart to stick up for me. It was obvious to me why Teddy had fallen in love with her. She was the kindest, most considerate person I had ever met. Smiling weakly at her I tried to forget James was in the same room as me altogether, and failed.

"Here you go." Rose pressed the first present into my hands. I fought back a grin as I saw my name clearly printed on top of the wrapping paper as if I belonged. Taking a deep breath I carefully unwrapped it feeling a weight being lifted off my shoulders.

"Oh," I could not help the sound of surprise that escaped my voice as I held up my present. Sniffing I tried to hold back the unnecessary tears that had welled up in my eyes. Malfoys didn't cry. It was so stupid to feel as if I belonged, to feel accepted but I truly did.

"Oh god," Ron mumbled from the corner of the room, "Is my mother still making those ridiculous sweaters? And what the hell is that on the front?"

"The Ravenclaw eagle," James whispered nearby. Blinking I pulled the jumper over my head to try and shade my tears for a moment longer. James's eyes met mine and I my breath came out in a rush as his leg knocked against mine. It was the perfect moment.

"Next," Hugo cried throwing a present towards Lily. She let out a huff as she caught in it mid air her eyes still on me. I couldn't hold back a laugh as Lily tore into the present with excited enthusiasm. She had always adored getting presents.

"New Quidditch gloves," she screamed and bypassed me to leap onto James, "You are by far the best big brother ever. I really needed these." Albus let out a fake cough in the corner but Lily just laughed as she curled up besides James. I pushed back a feeling of irrational jealousy. He was her brother. Gee. I had to get a grip on my out of control of emotions.

"Next-" Mr Potter began with a grin.

"No. No," Lily interrupted shrilly, "I want to give James his present now."

I watched as she ran from the room and came back with a large, badly wrapped present. Classic Lily style. Ducking my head I tried not to get hit as she placed the package carefully in James's lap. I saw Teddy hide a smile behind his hand at Lily's antics.

"Is this what I think it is?" James grinned at his little sister. It was so strange to see him acting in that way, so child like and almost more free. With me he was either disgusted or angry. His stormy eyes seemed so much lighter than usual. His grin was exceptionally wide as he pulled off the paper.

"It is," he murmured almost in disbelief. I watched as he pulled the rest of the paper off and revealed a muggle instrument to us. A guitar, I think it is called. My heart seemed to skip a beat as he casually strummed at the strings.

"You play?" I could not help the words from spilling out of my mouth. Lily raised her eyebrows at my excited speech while Mr Potter turned his calculating stare in my direction. James held the guitar loosely in his hands as he brushed his hair away from his eye in annoyance.

"When I get the chance," he grinned. He actually grinned, at me. Woah, he must have really loved his present for him to forget his hatred for me for just a second. It felt good to be on the receiving end of his happiness for once.

"He's pretty good," Hermione murmured from her seat curled up next to Ron. For a minute I envied her, and Mrs Potter who was sitting near her own husband. They both seemed too effortlessly in love. Of course I had witnessed enough of Ron and Hermione's fights to know everything was not perfect but I looked at the couples that had emerged from the war and realised how strong they all were, how they seemed to look at the positives in every situation. In a way they seemed to value love more than my generation could ever appreciate. I desperately wanted someone to look at me the way Ron looked at Hermione or the way Teddy secretly glanced at Lily. But as always I was the third wheel, the forgotten one who everyone believed could handle everything alone.

"You should play us something," Teddy murmured with his eyes still on Lily. Now that I knew their secret I wondered how I had ever missed it before. Hugo grumbled something about opening more presents while everyone else cheered at James to play. I felt my cheeks warm as he glanced at me briefly before strumming his guitar softly. I held my breath as he opened his mouth. My heart seemed to expand as I wondered what his voice would sound like; I was worried I might melt to a puddle of goo on the floor when he sing. He strummed the guitar lovingly again.

And then all hell broke loose.

I gasped as a patronus in the shape of a fox darted by me. James stopped playing immediately as a clear Irish accent sounded throughout the room.

"That's Seamus's patronus," Mr Potter hissed to his wife. The tension in the room suddenly became almost suffocating. I could tell this was not a regular occurrence. Something was seriously wrong.

"There has been an incident at the Malfoy Manor," Lily let out a gasp as everyone else in the room seemed to still, "There is some casualties and dark magic still going on within the building. We can tell the Goyles amongst others are present. We are waiting for your order to act Sir."

"I don't understand," I murmured as everyone seemed to jump into action around me. My eyes closed as James turned to look at me while Lily ran across the room to hug me in her tight embrace. I didn't understand. An incident at the Malfoy Manor? At my house? Across the room I heard Ron, Teddy and Mr Potter talking in hushed whispers while I rocked back and forth. Lily was holding me too tightly.

"James," Mr Potter's voice was hard as he spoke, "Son, this is not a training session but we are going to need all the men we have, do you understand?"

"Harry," Mrs Potter cried out in alarm, "He's not fully trained yet and you never know what might have happened when the Malfoys are involved and-"

My eyes flashed open as Mrs Potter trailed off realising I was in the room. My heart was thumping so loudly that I could hardly hear those around me. I watched in almost detached fascination as all the Aurors rushed towards the back door to apparate.

"Wait," I hissed jumping up to grab onto James's arm, "I want to come with you. I need to know what is going on." My grip tightened as he tried to shake me off. I tried to push away the distrust I could see shining in his eyes.

"I need to know if Scorpius is alright," Rose blurted abruptly from beside me, her eyes filled with unshed tears, "Please tell me he is alright. In fact just let me come. I'm training to be a healer, you might need me."

"Neither of you are trained Aurors. No way," James's voice was strained as he looked between his cousin and I almost in confusion. I kicked out as Hermione and Lily tried to drag me away from him.

"Don't you dare," I hissed, "My family have done nothing wrong. They have done nothing wrong. We always get the blame," I sobbed hoping everything I was saying was true. I didn't even know my family; I hadn't had a proper conversation with them in what felt like years. Sobbing uncontrollably I watched as James shot me one last look before running out of the back door after his family.

"Oh Godric no," Rose was muttering beside me, "Not Scorpius."

"What the hell do you know about my brother?" I hissed as Lily continued to try and pull me backwards. How had my perfect Christmas turned out to be so hellish?

"I-I care about him o-okay?" Rose's mum was looking at her as if she had grown an extra head, "He may not know or care but h-he's being so stupid."

"Rose," I warned taking another step towards her, "What has my idiot of a brother done now?"

"Nothing," she whispered as silent tears ran down her cheeks, "That is the problem. He has done nothing."

Sinking to the floor I pulled at the sleeves of my new sweater as Rose hid in her face in her hands. Lily sat rubbed soothing circles on my back as Hermione and Mrs Potter looked as though they weren't quite sure what was going on. Hugo let out a yell when Ron apparated right into the middle of the room. His red hair was dishevelled and covered in dust despite only being gone for minutes and terrifyingly his eyes were directly on me. He took a deep breath as Hermione grabbed desperately at his arm.

"Nattalie," he murmured, his eyes wide, "It's your Mum."

_Thoughts? _


	14. An Unforgivable Curse

_Thank you as always for all of the reviews. Here we are with another chapter. Enjoy.._

"Mum," I whispered unsure if it was truly her.

Sinking into the chair at her bedside, I pulled furiously at the sleeves of my new sweater as I choked back tears. I was a Malfoy and Malfoy's did not cry. I was painfully aware of the St Mungo's healers watching me from the doorway and Lily's shallow breathing from behind me. My heart squeezed so painfully tight in my chest that I thought I might faint.

She didn't even look like my Mum. Stress lines weighed down her face and her normally luscious hair seemed almost lifeless. Her nails were what shocked me the most though. For as long as I could remember her nails had always been perfectly manicured but they were all bitten, the skin around them red with irritation. It looked like she had been worrying for some time.

"What the hell happened?" I hissed. Lily took a step towards me; her hand was unusually hesitant as she rubbed soothing circles on my back.

Of course our family had always had a bad reputation. My Grandfather was in Azkaban and my Dad had spent several months there himself. But for as long as I could remember my Father had been following every rule in the book, sometimes too precisely. Of course we had always attended any events hosted by pure bloods such as the Goyles but otherwise we had almost been isolated from the wizarding society. When I was a child I had lived in my own bubble, not realising the true connotations of my family name. We were just like any other dysfunctional family who didn't get along.

"Your Father was nowhere to be found. Or your brother," Ron's voice caused me to jump in my seat. He had snuck into the room without warning. Lily glared at him as I moved from my position beside my mother. My legs shook.

"I don't understand. What happened?" I spoke again; my voice was getting increasingly louder by the second. I noticed James had also slipped into the room with Ron. He looked unusually sombre, his eyes looked anywhere but my Mum as if he was disgusted to even be in her presence. I curled my hands into fists as the old Potter vs. Malfoy dispute reared its ugly head.

"It seems," Ron coughed uncomfortably as he scratched at the back of his head, "that your mother was injured by the Cruciatus Curse." Lily gasped while all the air seemed to leave my own lugs in one single breath. An Unforgivable Curse? Someone had intentionally and maliciously put my mother in hospital. I felt physically sick.

"Injured?" I screamed as I took a step towards Ron, "She's a lot more than fucking injured. She's barely breathing."

"Maybe you could write up a list of people who may have wanted to harm your parents to help with the inquiries?" I barked out a dry laugh in answer to Ron's question. Hermione shook her head at her husband's stupidity as she appeared breathlessly in the doorway. It was getting to claustrophobic in that tiny room.

"It would be a lot easier for you to draw up a list of people who don't want to hurt them," I snapped, "The whole wizarding community had always been out for a blood, no matter how much we proved that we had changed."

"Changed so much that you don't want to go home? Changed so much that they practically disown you? Changed so much that the Goyles have been visiting your house in the dead of night for months?" Ron's voice was malicious; each word was like a knife cutting deeper and deeper beneath my skin. The slap echoed throughout the room as my hand connected with his face. My breathing grew heavier as I realised what I had just done.

"How dare you?" I thundered, "How _dare _you?"

James hand clasped tightly around my arm as I reached in desperation for my wand. His eyes were soft as they watched a single tear trail down the length of my cheek. "Don't," he murmured, "You don't really want to assault an Auror and perform underage magic."

"I beg to differ," I muttered fiercely as I continued to fight his strong grip. Lily shouted at him from behind me to let me go.

"Don't give him the satisfaction," he smirked a little as he lowered his voice, "Just think, in a few years when you become an Auror you can continuously show his old ass up. That would be torture enough. Don't you think?"

I sagged into his side as his grip on my arm loosened. The room seemed to spin around me. I was so far out of my depth that it was laughable.

"Did you ever think," I sighed as I turned to look at Ron, "that my family might be the victims in this whole mess? My mother is the one lying in a hospital bed after all."

He shifted from foot to foot in front of me. That was all the confirmation I needed to realise that the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. I clung to James in an attempt to stop myself from lunging at Ron for the second time.

"Stop being an ass Uncle Ron," Lily said softly as she stepped in line beside James and me. It felt strangely comforting to have two people backing me up. Normally I was alone when I faced the firing squad.

"Was there ever any strange activity while you were living there? Anything unusual at all? Anything would be helpful." I tried not to laugh as Hermione pushed by her husband and took it upon herself to start asking the questions. Her voice was almost pitying as her eyes flickered between James, Lily and I.

"I haven't been home since Summer," I muttered, "And everything was normal then."

Even as the words left my mouth I realised they were a lie. I remembered watching my Mum as she pushed uneaten food around her plate at meals. I remembered my Father's uneasy glances out of the window and Scorpious's blinding anger towards me whenever I answered the door or went down to the basement.

"Are you sure?" James asked from beside me, his eyes grew wide as he realised that my hand was still entangled with his. I coughed as I let go.

"I'm sure," the lie felt sour in my mouth, "Everything was fine."

There was one thing that had been drummed into me ever since I had been able to talk. Family loyalty. I didn't understand what was going on but I did know that my family was involved somehow. As much as I despised them at times I couldn't willingly sell them to the enemy without sufficient knowledge.

"Come on," Lily's smile was forced as she tugged softly at my arm, "Let's go get a drink or something to eat. You look like hell."

My eyes drifted to my Mum. My poor Mum. I prayed that she was going to be okay. Never had I longed to hear her scream at me as much as I did in that moment. Never had I wanted to hug her so fiercely or tell her everything that I had kept to myself for years. It was only in that moment that I realised how much I had missed her presence in my life, how much I ached for her to be a proper mother to me again.

"She'll be fine," Hermione smiled at me as she took my place beside my mother's bed, "I'll watch over her while you're gone."

Ron's eyes were narrowed as he looked at his wife while Lily's smile grew wider. I had never thought I would live to see the day that a Weasley voluntarily sat in the same room as a Malfoy, never mind look after one. There were no words I could think of to express my gratitude to Hermione. So instead I did the one thing that I never, ever did. I hugged her. I hugged her so fiercely that I was afraid her bone might crumble underneath my grip.

"It's all going to be alright," she said as she stroked my hair. I doubted that, but I forced myself to bite my tongue and not ruin the moment. Avoiding James's stare I took a step away from Hermione and forced myself to walk out of the door with Lily without looking back at my Mum. Their raised voices followed me all the way down the corridor. It was going to be a long day.

The cafeteria was packed with people. I forced myself not to notice the redness around people's eyes and the desperate sobs of people as they looked blankly at the food in front of them. I had always hated hospitals. The clean smell seemed to cling to my clothes and the tense atmosphere was almost suffocating.

"I'll go get us something," Lily's voice was strong as she dragged my limp body to a nearby chair, "Just wait here and don't move."

No sooner had Lily disappeared in amongst the throng of people than a boy, maybe a year or two older than me slid into the seat across from me. His hair was in disarray and the robes he wore were ripped at the hem. He was a mess.

"Nice sweater," he sneered. It was only then that I remembered the Ravenclaw sweater that I wore. Its warmth seemed to be the only thing stopping me from hugging myself and breaking down into floods of tears.

"Excuse me?" I was in no mood to be criticised by a stranger, "Do I even know you?"

His whole body seemed to slump at my words. I watched as he reached up as if to brush his hair away from his eyes only to realise there was none there. He ground his teeth together as if he was trying desperately not to say something he wasn't supposed to. I had watched someone do that my whole life. I sat up straighter as I peered into the unfamiliar eyes in front of me.

"Scorpius?" I gasped. The boy rolled his eyes as he lounged back in his seat.

"For a Ravenclaw you are pretty thick, little sister. Ever heard of polyjuice potion?" I flinched at his condescending tone. He had always been able to make me feel small.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I made my voice as icy as possible, "Mum is lying in a hospital bed and there is a whole bunch of Aurors looking for you and Dad."

"We're hiding. I can't tell you where in case they get to you or torture you," his voice was suddenly serious. I had never seen my brother so aware of his surroundings. The glint in his eyes told me that he was more scared than he was letting on.

"Them?" I spat, "Scorpius, who are _they_?"

"I have to go," he muttered as he pushed away from the table, "Just. Be careful. Look over you shoulder all the time. And stay with the Potter," he seemed almost physically sick as he spoke those words, "They can't get to you while they are protecting you."

I watched in bewilderment as he walked away. My whole body seemed to have gone into a state of shock. Somebody was after my family and they wanted me too.

What the hell was going on?

_Thoughts? _


	15. Plans

_Hi there. Thank you all so much for your continuous support and reviews. I am so sorry it has been so long between updates, life is just hectic. Hope you enjoy…_

"Expecto Patronum."

I let out a sigh as a feeble jet of silver seemed to fall from the end of my wand and then sizzle into nothing. It was useless, I just couldn't cast a patronus despite how many times I tried. Some Auror I was going to be.

"You need to think happy thoughts," Issac stressed for the thousandth time. Turning on him, I shot him my fiercest glare before sinking down onto the sofa.

"Happy thoughts isn't really at the top of my priorities at the moment," I snapped, "My Mum is still unconscious in hospital while my dad and brother are still missing. So excuse me for being in a bit of a bad mood."

Hugging my knees to my chest I tugged at my sleeves. Everything seemed to be slowly crumbling around me and I had no idea how to fix it. The books had no answers, neither did my countless attempts to find Scorpius. Every time I thought I had found some sort of clue, it turned out to be a dead end.

"Hey. Don't get upset," I sniffed back unnecessary tears as Issac sat down beside me and pulled me into his side, "We can try again another day. It was a stupid idea to try this when you're not in the right mindset. Let's do something else instead. How about we go flying?"

Issac hated flying. He had fallen off of his broom in third year and had been forced to stay in the hospital wing for over a week. Even four years later he only went on a broom when it was absolutely necessary. I managed a weak smile as I snuggled closer into his warmth. He always thought about everyone besides himself.

"I don't really feel like flying," I murmured softly. Beside me, I saw him raise his eyebrows in speculation but I was being completely truthful. Lily and I had flown for hours in tense silence the day before trying desperately to get out minds off of everything. But instead, it had just given me more time to think about the mounting problems around me and attempt to come up with yet more solutions. Besides, Ginny had been furious when we had eventually trudged back home covered in fresh snow and shivering uncontrollably.

"Then what do you want to do?" he whined as I hid my face in his chest, "I was ordered here to cheer you up while everyone else is busy. I feel like I'm not doing my job properly."

"You're doing a great job," I argued, "It's just being stuck in here while James and Ron and everyone search for answers. While Hermione discusses my mother's health with the healers with words I don't understand. And Lily-" I coughed as I thought of her sneaking out early in the morning to meet Teddy, "Well, Lily has enough problems of her own to deal with. I just feel useless."

"Nattalie," Issac's voice was unusually serious as he stared down at me, "You are anything but useless. You have given Harry all the information you could think of and you go and visit your mother for hours everyday. You are so strong."

I dug my nails into the palm of my hand as I avoided his scrutinising gaze. I may have been trying to be helpful but I had avoided the crucial matter of Scorpius's visit. Countless times they had asked me whether or not my family had tried to get in contact with me and I had merely shaken my head. I was an awful person. A Malfoy through and through. I didn't deserve Issac's kindness.

"But what if they brought it all on themselves?" I hissed, voicing the fears that I had been trying to keep buried, "What if my dad got himself involved with dark magic again? I really have no clue what has been going on at the Manor for years. I tended to avoid anything to do with my family."

Pulling away from Issac's strong grip I stood up and began to pace the living room. The heavy rain from outside pounded furiously on the front window as if trying to block out my un-loyal thoughts.

"Ron said the Goyles have been turning up at the Manor in the middle of the night. What the hell for?" I muttered as I continued to pace, "My mother hates them. When I spoke to Scorpius the other day he didn't even tell me what had happened-"

I trailed off as the front door open with a loud bang. Issac was sitting on the edge of the sofa, his eyes wide as he stared at my stationary figure. Oh God. I had just told him everything. Rose and Lily walked into the room, their faces flushed from the cold.

"What's going on?" Lily glanced between Issac and I as she unwound her scarf. Taking a deep breath I glanced at Issac in desperation. He couldn't tell them. He just couldn't. The silence seemed to hang in the air.

"W-we were just trying the patronus again," Issac coughed as he ran a hand through his hair, "and now we're just trying to think of locations where Scorpius and her father could be." He glanced at me as I breathed out a sigh of relief. Crossing the room I sat cross legged beside him and tried to convey my thanks through a single look.

"Any luck?" Lily asked as she sat down on the armchair opposite us. Rose hung around in the doorway, her hair tangled by the wind. She looked awful. Dark circles were evident under her eyes and she seemed older than when I had first met her.

"No," I murmured as Issac slid his hand into mine, "No luck."

"What about you Rose?" Lily's voice was unusually cold as she looked at her cousin, "Did you tell your Dad where you thought Scorpius might be."

"Yes," she spoke hesitantly as she walked further into the room, "but he wasn't at any of the locations." Issac squeezed my hand tightly as I tensed. Rose's reaction to Scorpius's disappearance still baffled me. He liked Slytherins. Blonde, skinny Slytherins. He had been the first one to stop talking to me after I became friends with Lily. It made no sense.

"How do you even know him?" I finally blurted out in exasperation. Lily raised her eyebrows at Rose as she waited for an answer.

"You didn't talk at Hogwarts," Issac added from beside me, "In face I'm pretty sure I remember him calling you 'filthy Weasley scum' in the middle of the Great Hall."

Rose's face seemed to whiten at Issac's comment. I watched as she scrunched her hands into fists and turned to stare at me defiantly. Maybe the girl had some fight in her after all. Maybe she was Scorpius's type after all.

"He was an ass back then. Still is sometimes," she muttered, "But McGonagall decided it would be a great idea for me to help him with his potions in our last year. We hated each other at first, of course we did. But then he realised I was failing Defence Against The Dark Arts and-"

"You were failing?" Lily gasped in shock as she stared intently at her cousin.

"Anyway," Rose continued, ignoring Lily, "I don't know how it happened. He showed me some defence spells. We became friends I guess. Then after Hogwarts I was in a bar by myself-"

"A _bar_? By _yourself_?" Lily interrupted again. From beside me, Issac glared at her.

"Yes Lily," Rose spoke through gritted teeth as she continued to look straight at me, "I was having a particularly hard day training and I had just lost a patient. I needed a something strong to drink. Alright?" She glanced briefly at Lily who nodded her head in silence. I was learning more about Rose than I ever thought possible. She was strong.

"Anyway, I ran into Scorpius again. He insulted me of course and at some point during the night he found me outside crying my eyes out. I think it helped him realise how much of an ass he truly is. Ever since then we've been meeting up for coffee, sometimes drinks. On Christmas Eve he kissed me but I think it was more to get me to shut up than anything else."

Rose let out a sigh of relief as she finished her story. It seemed as if a great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. I wondered if it was truly possible for my brother to change the way she seemed to think that he had, or whether it was another one of his cruel jokes. I should know, I had been at the receiving end of some of his particularly nasty ones.

"What do you mean to get you to shut up?" Lily questioned as she chewed on her bottom lip. The atmosphere in the room was tense.

"He looked tired," she shrugged, "And he had a black eye. I asked him about it but he kept avoiding the subject. I should have known that there was something going on. He said not to worry about it and that everything would be 'sorted' the next time that I saw him. Except I never did."

"I don't understand," I whispered softly, "What the hell have they gotten themselves involved with? I wish my mother would wake up. We need answers."

"I have an idea," Lily spoke up, "We need to get inside the house. Maybe there will be some answers there."

"Are you insane?" Issac spluttered, "The Manor has been searched. What makes you think we'll find something they've missed?"

"We'll have Nattalie," Lily insisted as her face lit up. I knew that look. She was never going to back down. I grinned at her from across the room. It was then that I remembered why I loved her so damned much.

"No," Issac's voice was strong as he glanced at my grinning face, "Absolutely not. The Manor will be crawling with Aurors. They will have detection charms all over it. If we mess up the investigation, there will be hell to pay."

"We are part of a family full of Aurors," Rose insisted as she got onside with the idea, "We could easily find out what kind of charms they have put on the house and where all of the security posts are."

"Let's do it," Lily clapped her hands in excitement. I thought of my Mother's motionless body lying on the hospital bed and the unfamiliar sight of desperation in my brother's eyes. Something was seriously wrong and it was my duty to try and fix it. I was in.

"Please Issac?" I glanced up at him. I could see his resolve melting under my pleading gaze. I needed him for the plan to work. He could be the brains behind the operation. Nobody would suspect Issac.

"Alright," Lily, Rose and I all let out a scream as he agreed, "but on one condition. We do not go ahead with this until we are absolutely certain that we know what we are doing. Nattalie and I have a future career of being an Auror to think about. I don't want to compromise that."

"Of course not," I whispered as I hugged him tightly, "You are the best friend ever."

Lily coughed from across the room and I rolled my eyes at her.

We were all sitting cross legged in the middle of the living room when James and Harry arrived home. They narrowed their eyes at all of our grinning faces.

"What the hell is going on?" James groaned. He looked worn out and I had the strangest urge to get up and hug him. All I could think about was his hand in mine at the hospital.

"Nothing," Lily shrugged innocently, "We're just trying to tell Nattalie some jokes to get her mind off of things."

"Let's hear some then," Harry spoke as he shrugged off his coat. Lily looked wide eyed as she glanced desperately at Issac. We were going to have to get better at lying if we were ever going to get away with our plan. It was risky.

"Well," Rose smiled widely, "Knock. Knock."

"Who's there?" James asked.

Inwardly, I groaned.

_Thoughts?_


	16. Duels

_Hi there. As always, thank you so much for all of your reviews. Here we go with another chapter. Enjoy…_

"I'm not sure this is such a great idea."

Running a hand through my hair I peered into the mirror in front of me. Thanks to the emerald green robes that I wore and the vivid blonde colour of my hair, I had never felt more like a Malfoy.

"This was your idea," I sighed as I turned to face Lily. She glowered at me as she pulled up the hood of her robes around her face. Taking a step forwards I pushed a stray strand of her red hair beneath the hood. I desperately hoped that the smoky eyeliner she wore and the high heeled boots we had bought in Diagon Alley would distract them from her obvious Weasley features.

"That was before I knew you wanted to go to Knockturn Alley," Lily hissed as she clutched at the sink in front of her, "We're supposed to be grounded and in my room right now, not in the bathroom of the Leaky Cauldron."

"We don't want to go to my house unprepared," I muttered, "We need to find out as much information about what is going on as possible." My hands shook as I delicately applied bright, red lipstick to my lips. I had never looked so unlike myself. I looked older, more dangerous. Standing there, I wondered if it was what I would have turned out like if I had been sorted into Slytherin. Most likely.

"Teddy is going to kill me," Lily whined as I passed her the lipstick. Going into one of the stalls I stood up on the toilet seat and stored our muggle clothing under one of the tiles in the ceiling. Being the sister of a Slytherin did have some advantages.

"Teddy is not going to find out," I spoke quietly and watched as Lily closed her eyes, "Neither is James. Or your Dad. Or Ron." Especially James.

"I'm sure the Aurors have already been to Borgin and Brukes. What makes you think that anyone is going to tell you anything that they haven't told the Aurors?"

"I'm a Malfoy," I spoke confidently as I stood beside Lily. I wondered briefly when I had begun to be the one that took risks, that had always been Lily's remit.

"An underage, disowned Malfoy who also happens to be a Ravenclaw and Head Girl of Hogwarts," Lily challenged as she turned to stare at me defiantly, "You couldn't be any different from them if you tried."

"I think you underestimate the importance of blood," I shrugged casually and tried not to let my doubts shine through, "Besides, I'm a good actress."

"You're a rubbish actress," Lily argued as I pushed open the bathroom door. Issac stood across the hall. He looked entirely too awkward as he tried to lean casually against the wall. My head thumped as we made our way towards him. It would probably have been smarter to go it alone.

"What took you so long?" Issac murmured when I eventually reached him, "I was terrified my Dad or one of his friends would come in for a fire whisky." Stepping backwards, I surveyed his handiwork. I had to admit, he looked pretty damn scary. Entirely too gorgeous, but also scary. His hood hung low over his head and his blue eyes were narrowed at Lily and I. Definitely scary.

"I was trying to convince her to give up and go home," Lily huffed while I started walking towards the back door of the Leaky Cauldron. They ran to keep up with me. My Mum was still lying in a hospital bed while my Father and brother were missing. I was not weak and I was not going to sit around and wait for someone else to find the answers. It was my family in trouble after all.

"Sometimes I think she has a death wish," Issac whispered to Lily.

"I heard that," I yelled over my shoulder. Suddenly, I wondered if they were right.

"You were supposed to," I could hear the grin in his voice and I knew that although they thought I was crazy, they were not going to leave me to fend for myself which was why I loved them so unconditionally. My smile faded as I though back to my brother's voice in the cafeteria; he had told me to stay with the Potters. I don't really think Lily and Issac were who he had in mind when he had said that. I swallowed a lump that had suddenly appeared in my throat.

Issac caught me by the waist as I stumbled forwards. Using my hand to lean against the wall I looked down the narrow stairway that led to Knockturn Alley. Lily pressed her hand against her mouth as an old witch pushed by her, whispering curses under her breath. Before I could change my mind I put my foot on the first step.

"Let's go," I murmured.

It wasn't the first time I had been in Knockturn Alley but it still managed to shock me every time. Witches and wizards lay sprawled around on the cobbles barely breathing. An overpowering stench seemed to linger in the air and witches grabbed at you from every angle in an attempt to sell you something. Lily gasped and stood still for a moment to look around. An old man grinned, showing his three remaining teeth, as he staggered towards her. She was entirely too pretty to be in Knockturn Alley.

Grabbing Lily tightly by the arm I quickened our pace as I weaved around the several stalls lining the streets. Issac's hand was a constant on my back and it gave me a sense of safety that I used to crave when I was younger. I had to stay strong, for Lily.

"Where's Borgin and Burkes?" Issac murmured in my ear. Not answering I didn't slow my pace until we were standing outside of the familiar shop door. The skull sitting in the window seemed to glare at me in warning. My stomach was in knots.

"Just let me do the talking," I whispered before pushing the door open. An eerie silence greeted us and I slapped Lily's hand as she reached to pick up a necklace.

"Don't touch anything," I warned, "It could be cursed."

"You never trusted me, did you Miss Malfoy?" Mr Borgin hissed. He had always reminded me of a snake with his wicked smirk and the way that he over pronounced every 's' in a word. To me, he personified a traditional Slytherin. My heart was heavy in my chest as he hobbled down the wooden steps towards us.

He looked older than I remember. His face seemed to sag under the weight of his countless wrinkle and his oily, grey hair fell over his crooked right eye. I watched as he leant all of his weight on the cane he walked with. It had always amazed me that he had escaped a sentence in Azkaban and had managed to keep his shop in business while being watched so scrupulously by the Ministry.

"Malfoy's don't trust anyone," I reminded him. His good eye narrowed in on Issac and Lily behind me. I watched as he picked up what looked like a crystal ball and tossed it from side to side.

"I was under the impression," he wheezed as he took another step towards me, "that you did not associate yourself with the Malfoy name any longer."

Behind me, Issac or Lily dropped something onto the floor. I winced as several shards of glass littered the dusty floor. Mr Borgin merely smirked.

"I am still of their bloodline," I spat trying my hardest to bring out my Malfoy side, "My mother is lying in a hospital bed and the rest of my family are missing. Where the hell are they?"

"Why would you assume that I know?" I stood my ground as he shuffled forward another step. I felt Lily's hand on my shoulder as if to remind me of her presence.

"You know everything," Issac spoke from behind me and I fought the urge to turn around and punch him square in the jaw. I had told him to let me do the talking.

"I see you have brought your Potter friends with you," he sneered, "Once a traitor always a traitor." I curled my hands into fists.

"My family have been your loyal customers for decades," I snarled trying desperately to keep the quiver from my voice , "Please just tell me what you know."

"I know your Dad is a filthy excuse for a pure blood. Lucius would not be best pleased with the way his line has turned out."

I didn't think. My hand flew towards his face without a second of doubt. Issac grabbed his wand from the pocket in his robes as Mr Borgin grabbed my hand. He was incredibly fast for someone who pretended to have such slow reflexes. I swallowed the vomit that had risen in my throat as his wrinkled, scaly hand tightened around my wrist.

"You know that blood is more important to me than anything," he muttered as his eyes darted around the shop, "which is why I am sorry to have to do this. However, your father owes me and I am not a patient man."

I didn't understand. My father owed him? I flexed my hand as Mr Borgin eventually released my wrist and took a step backwards. A shiver travelled up the length of my spine as a smirk grew on his face. Something wasn't right.

"_Duck_!"

I didn't have time to think as Issac pushed forcefully down on my head. A jet of light flew over me. Cloaked figures emerged from behind the tall bookcases. We had been tricked. Scrambling on my knees to the side of the shop I reached desperately for my wand to defend myself.

"Don't do it," Lily gasped as she too ducked, "You still have the trace on you. Stay hidden. Issac and I will deal with this."

My throat tightened. We should have waited one more day. One more day and I would have been seventeen. One more day and I could have used my wand whenever I pleased. I was completely useless, if anything, I was the weakness in our trio. My father had always scolded me for not thinking things through. He may have had a point.

"Ex-Expelliarmus," Lily muttered as she pointed her wand at the cloaked figure coming towards her. Biting my lip, I forced myself to stay silent. She was going to have to do better than disarm him.

"Flipendo," Issac yelled as he advanced towards the targets, rather than move backwards. I couldn't breath. If he got hurt because of me, I would never forgive myself. My two best friends were in danger because of me.

"Incarcerous."

"Stupefy."

Spells were being thrown over my head. Mr Borgin spotted me from across the room. Scrambling to my feet I moved backwards. Issac shot me a warning look out of the corner of his eye while he continued to advance towards the cloaked figures.

"Stupefy," he muttered, "Stupefy."

"We only want you," Mr Borgin hissed as he continued to move towards me, "You're our insurance policy. They will come out of hiding if we have you."

"You're insane." I picked up a skull from the nearest shelf and chucked it towards his head. His smirk continued to grow and I watched as he reached for his wand. A spark of green light skimmed by his cheek. The fighting continued to go on behind him. I reached for my wand.

A hand grabbed me from behind and I let out a scream as I tried to kick my opponent in the face. Mr Borgin still advanced towards me.

"Shut the hell up," a voice whispered in my ear, "Do you want to get noticed?"

"Rose?" I whipped my head around. Her voice was serious as she continued to grip tightly onto my arm. She was supposed to be at the hospital working. She may have been part of our little group but we hadn't thought she would have approved of our little trip to Knockturn Alley which was why we hadn't told her.

"First rule," she muttered, "Do not go into enemy territory without back-up."

"We thought you were-" she didn't let me finish before she pulled me up from the ground. Her eyes were narrowed as she turned to watch the scene in front of us. Several cloaked figures lay on the floor groaning. Lily looked terrified as she continued to back away from the fighting while Issac looked like he was in his element. He was going to make a great Auror.

I tripped over my own feet and hit my head off a nearby shelf as Rose pulled me towards Lily. Mr Borgin was blocking our path. He raised his wand.

"Imp-"

"Ventus," Rose murmured before he had time to finish his curse. I watched as he was pushed backwards into a glass table full of dark objects. I winced as the glass shattered underneath his weight. We didn't linger and I continued to watch in awe as Rose turned Lily's opponent into a block of ice with ease.

"T-that wont hold for long," she gasped for breath as she checked Lily over for any injuries. I ducked as another shot of light went over my head. Everyone seemed to be aiming for me. Glancing at Rose I was surprised to see a slight red tinge to her cheeks and a wild fire in her eyes. Scorpius must have been a damn good DADA tutor. She didn't even flinch as another cloaked figure advanced towards us.

"Now!" she yelled. Issac abandoned the duel he had been taking part of to run towards us. Before I even had time to breath he had grabbed onto my sleeve.

"Bombarda Maxima," his voice was gruff as he pointed his wand at the ceiling. I watched as cracks began to form in the roof. The whole place was going to cave in.

And then we apparated right out of that hell hole. I winced as a loose stone hit me on the head. That was going to leave a bruise.

I let out a scream as we landed in the middle of the lake just around the corner from the Burrow. The ice had only just melted days before and fresh snow coated the tree branches around us.

"It was the only place I could think of," Rose murmured as her teeth chattered.

It was freezing.

_Thoughts? _


	17. Questions

_Hi there. Here's another quick chapter. Enjoy. _

My hand shook as I lifted my mug of tea to my still blue lips. The house was eerily silent. Lily was asleep in the couch wrapped in countless blankets, Issac was staying the night in James' room and Rose had stormed home muttering something about a hot bath under her breath. It was as if reality had slapped me on the face all of a sudden. There were dangerous people after me, after my family and I had just exposed my hiding place to them.

I thought of my Mum's still body lying in hospital. She was so vulnerable and defenceless. If anyone wanted to hurt her- more than they already had- she was an easy target. Boiling tea sloshed over onto my hand as I thought of the deadly sparks directed towards me and the crazy look in Mr Borgin's eyes. Somebody wanted to use me to send a message. Somebody wanted to scare me.

It was working.

I couldn't wipe the terrified look on Lily's face from my memory as the cloaked figures had advanced towards us. I couldn't heal the cut on Issac's arm. I couldn't get Mrs Potter's concerned look out of my head when she had found us all crowded around the log fire in the lounge. I was hurting everyone and there was nothing I could do about it. I was weak and defenceless.

"Holy shit."

I winced as someone flicked on the kitchen light. Somehow I had hoped that by sitting in the dark that everything would just disappear; that the darkness would swallow all of my worries. Sleeping was not an option for me nor was sobbing in my room since I didn't even have my own room. For me, it was all about strategising, trying to think about how the hell I was going to get through the next hour. The darkness also left me to wonder if my Father would be willing to give up his hiding place if I was captured. We barely knew each other.

"Nattalie? Is that you?"

James stood awkwardly in front of me. He looked tired. I knew the patrols around my house and searching for my father was stressing everybody out. His robes were coated with a layer of dust and his trademark smirk had turned downwards into a frown. Holding my head in my hands I tried to put on an innocent front as Lily had done for her parents only hours earlier. There were some things that James Potter just didn't need to know about.

"Of course it's me," I sighed. He watched me as I raised my mug to my lips. It took every ounce of strength that I had to keep my hand steady. I always seemed more aware of my insecurities with James around. He stripped away any falsities that I presented to the rest of the world and waded knee deep through my lies. It was exhausting trying to lie to him. He was going to make a great Auror. I was beginning to doubt my ability to even get into Auror training.

"Why are you sitting in the dark? Is it some kind of weird voodoo Malfoy thing that you do before your seventeenth birthday?"

I tried not to do an internal little happy dance that he had remembered my birthday with all that was going on. Although, it would have been hard to forget it with all of the fuss that Lily and Issac were making over it. Secretly, I wished that for my birthday my Mum would get better and everything would go back to the way it was supposed to be. Even if that meant James Potter ignored me again, at least then I would know the world was back on the right path. At least then I could walk through life without getting snapped at or ridiculed.

"Yeah," I snapped, "We normally all sit around in a circle and mix our blood together. Then when the clock strikes midnight we perform one of the unforgivable curses on an innocent muggle."

Pushing back from the table I stood on my shaky legs and began to make my way towards the door. I wasn't in the mood to swap snide remarks with James Potter. For once, I had more important things to worry about such as my possible death.

"You Malfoys could never take a joke," his smirk had returned, "Your brother never seemed to see the funny side either, especially when I put a hex on his broom."

Ignoring him, I tried to push away the stupid swirling feeling in my stomach as I continued towards the door. I wondered if I could risk going for a ride on Lily's broom without catching hypothermia. I needed to escape.

"What happened to your head?" I stopped dead as he cut in front of me, blocking my path to the door. His eyes were narrowed as he carefully reached up to move a strand of hair out of my face in order to get a better view of the ugly bruise that was beginning to form on my forehead. I tried to remember how to breath as I inwardly cursed our inability to get out of Knockturn Alley before a piece of rubble fell on my head. Stupid, stupid me.

"I fell," I shrugged as I tried to get by him again. My whole body went rigid as he put his arm across the doorway. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. We were standing entirely too close.

"What happened to Issac's arm?" His voice turned more serious and the way in which he was looking at me sent shivers down my spine. I couldn't decide whether I wanted to hex him for invading my personal space or hug him tightly and cry into his chest. In both instances, he would probably have laughed at me before knocking me down.

"He cut it." I tried to keep the anger from my voice.

"With what? The wound looks magic inflicted to me."

"Since when did you become a healer?" I muttered as I tried to duck under his arm. I winced as he grabbed my arm.

"Why is my sister asleep under a mountain of blankets? Why are your lips blue and why is Issac shivering in his sleep?"

My finger reached up absent mindedly to trace my lips. It was official, James had definitely been staring at my lips. He was entirely different from the Hogwart's James that I had seen a snippet of. Suddenly, he seemed more grown up. More like an Auror. He was so observant and clever. If he hadn't been using all of those skills to attack me then I would probably have been secretly proud.

"I don't know," I lied through gritted teeth, "We were out playing in the snow earlier. Maybe we just got a little cold?"

"Stop," I flinched as he slammed his hand against the wall beside my head. "Stop lying to me. You may be able to fool everyone else with your little Head Girl act, but not me. Once a Malfoy always a Malfoy."

My hands curled into fists at my sides as I glanced at the clock on the wall. Only one more hour and then I would be able to curse him and replace his shiny hair with snakes. Although, the scary part was that he was right. He saw through my façade.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I forced the words out.

"You wouldn't happen to know why Borgin and Burkes is now just a pile of rubble or why we found an Ex Death Eater there claiming that he had been stunned by a Longbottom?" My eyes drifted towards his lips as he spoke. He was so damn infuriating.

"No," I spoke coolly, "I wouldn't."

His hand continued to grip my arm and I could feel a flush creeping up my neck. My eyes widened as he took yet another step closer to me. His stare seemed to burn my skin.

"You annoy me," he murmured. I watched as his eyes once again strayed to the bruise on my forehead as if wanting to catalogue every inch of my face.

"Likewise," I whispered.

None of us spoke. The air was thick and for a crazy second as James looked down at me, I wondered if he was going to kiss me.

"I will find out what is going on," his voice was unusually soft but I could still hear the conviction behind his words.

"Don't count on it. You-"

My voice failed me as his hand reached up to cup my cheek. Without thinking, I leant into his warmth. We were so close. So damn close. It wasn't fair of him to mess with my heart.

"I don't want anyone to get hurt," he breathed. I tried to stay still as he placed his lips on mine. His lips were rough and soft in the same instant. I gasped aloud as his teeth grazed my bottom lip. I pressed closer to him.

"James? Did I hear you get home?"

We both sprung apart as we heard Ginny's voice. My lips felt as if they had been burnt. I felt suddenly small and vulnerable under his gaze.

"I will find out what is going on," he repeated.

I watched in a daze as he left me standing alone in the kitchen. He didn't once look back and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Did James Potter truly like me or was it just a ploy so he could find out the truth?

I didn't know what to believe.

_Thoughts? _


End file.
